Mother's Day is past, thank God. Neither of my two sons came by or called. Didn't expect it. They are busy feeling sorry for themselves and hating me. They think I should have acted more like a friend and less like a mother. Loved them too much to do that.
This is to all of you out there who think they hate their parents or parent. Someone told me that to show a parent hatred you must think they love you enough to overlook it. Not so sure I love them that much. At any rate I want to let you parent haters know a few things. You may have good reason I don't know your circumstances, I can only go on my own. I was angry with my dad for years but was able to make peace with him before he died. I am so grateful for that. I wish I could have done it sooner but it happened and that is what matters. You may not get the chance to do this if you wait too long. Or if your parent dies suddenly. You may be haunted the rest of your life by the guilt you carry for leaving things unsettled.
If you have children they may treat you worse than you are treating your folks. If not they will lack respect for you. Most of your anger is based on a fantasy you created or a premise to hold you back from what you are afraid to do. i.e. I blamed my dad for encouraging me to leave college before I finished, years later I realized I was free to go to school and there wasn't anything he could do about it. He didn't care, life was different by then. When you carry bitterness and hatred toward another you are the one who is hurt. My granddaughters don't see me because their father is a really confused but rather than make life more turbulent for him and his girls I will stay away and hope for a miracle.
I pray he will resolve this insanity and make peace with me. As for the other son I hope the same for him.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
PETCO SUCKS
Today I learned that PETCO will no longer give 10% off at checkout when you buy over 200lbs. of dogfood. Nutro(my dog food)dropped the bag weight down 5lbs and raised the price shortly after I started buying it. Now the only perk I get is a free bag every time I buy 10 bags of food. If anyone gets a better deal at another pet store please let me know. I want to buy quality food.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
Rainy Sunday
Yesterday I thoroughly cleaned our enclosed front porch. Today I lit candles and reveled in my efforts. As raindrops drummed upon the roof inside it was dry and candlelit. The furniture nicely arranged and my cat, Violet, trying to paw her way into my lap.
We have new neighbors across the street. I haven't officially met them other than a wave and a hello. They seem delighted in their small front lawn. They have put up a short windmill and an arch over the walk. Something you grown a vine or roses on. It is nice to see them take interest. So many drive on the lawn or kill the grass with animals and children. They have children also, their little girl was wailing in a "why can't I have what I want" fashion yesterday. She was seated in a small lawn chair holding a stuffed toy. Her father approached her, took the toy inside, then returned for her. He took her hand and though she resisted, he calmly pulled her inside. She was soon quiet. I felt her frustration. It isn't fun when everyone else is bigger than you are and when you feel you have no power.
Today I'm invited to a baby shower for my sister's adopted granddaughter. I knitted a blanket afghan in light green, yellow, violet and white squares. Also a toy dog that looks like a rabbit in the same colors. The toy is very soft and a baby might like it. Well I'm not looking forward to the dumb games but it will be nice to see some of my family.
We have new neighbors across the street. I haven't officially met them other than a wave and a hello. They seem delighted in their small front lawn. They have put up a short windmill and an arch over the walk. Something you grown a vine or roses on. It is nice to see them take interest. So many drive on the lawn or kill the grass with animals and children. They have children also, their little girl was wailing in a "why can't I have what I want" fashion yesterday. She was seated in a small lawn chair holding a stuffed toy. Her father approached her, took the toy inside, then returned for her. He took her hand and though she resisted, he calmly pulled her inside. She was soon quiet. I felt her frustration. It isn't fun when everyone else is bigger than you are and when you feel you have no power.
Today I'm invited to a baby shower for my sister's adopted granddaughter. I knitted a blanket afghan in light green, yellow, violet and white squares. Also a toy dog that looks like a rabbit in the same colors. The toy is very soft and a baby might like it. Well I'm not looking forward to the dumb games but it will be nice to see some of my family.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
My friend Feng Shiyh reminded me that we became friends because of this blog and I realized I had totally neglected it for a long time. I am back. I am not sold out to Facebook because I don't like it as well as a blog. If you write more than 3 words the readers of Facebook go to sleep. They have all these games they play that waste time and get you nowhere.
Since my last post my dogs, Hilda, Charlie and Gretchen are older as am I. They are becoming less of a problem and more of a companion. But they do have their barks. Especially Charlie and Gretchen. The play the bark game. Gretchen hi yips and Charlie woof woof woofs until you want to strangle them both. Then Stan puts them in jail which consists of being tied to the back porch rail so they can't get involved in the game. After the time out they are given another chance. Usually Gretch hides in her dog house to avoid trouble.
My granddaughters are too busy to see me. I am looking for new ones. Their father is being a dickhead and won't let the 7yr old see me. She is my friend but has little power of her own, being 7. There seems to be a rash of adult children in my son's generation who are mad at their parents or the responsible parents at least. Stan has a similar problem as do many of my friends. Their children just cut them out. I wonder if this is because the children don't need their parents help.
Whatever, I want to see my grandgirls.
There is a sweet little guy down the street and his mother is my friend. He is busy but once in a while he comes with her and plays UNO and he tries so hard to beat me. Sweet kid.
I have tried to mend things with the boys(both of them hate me) but they aren't open to reconciling. Not yet anyway. Well if I write it all today there won't be anything to say tomorrow. More later.
Since my last post my dogs, Hilda, Charlie and Gretchen are older as am I. They are becoming less of a problem and more of a companion. But they do have their barks. Especially Charlie and Gretchen. The play the bark game. Gretchen hi yips and Charlie woof woof woofs until you want to strangle them both. Then Stan puts them in jail which consists of being tied to the back porch rail so they can't get involved in the game. After the time out they are given another chance. Usually Gretch hides in her dog house to avoid trouble.
My granddaughters are too busy to see me. I am looking for new ones. Their father is being a dickhead and won't let the 7yr old see me. She is my friend but has little power of her own, being 7. There seems to be a rash of adult children in my son's generation who are mad at their parents or the responsible parents at least. Stan has a similar problem as do many of my friends. Their children just cut them out. I wonder if this is because the children don't need their parents help.
Whatever, I want to see my grandgirls.
There is a sweet little guy down the street and his mother is my friend. He is busy but once in a while he comes with her and plays UNO and he tries so hard to beat me. Sweet kid.
I have tried to mend things with the boys(both of them hate me) but they aren't open to reconciling. Not yet anyway. Well if I write it all today there won't be anything to say tomorrow. More later.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Hilda and Hocking Hills
This all because of Shiyh my Chinese friend. She read my blog and I'm sure many do and just forget to comment but when you comment I know you are out there.
My mama dog Hilda has been afflicted with hypersensitivity to fleas which results in her pulling her hair out. She also had a hotspot on her tail. The vet shaved even more and so now she looks strange. She is on antibiotics and stearoids to stop the itch. She is much calmer and chewing less. She may become our inside dog since the fleas are plentiful this year, despite the flea killer stuff.
The rain in Indiana falls mainly on the mud. We aren't inundated like Arkansas but it rains about every 2 days lately. The house smells of mildew and I have been attacking with bleach. There is a fan going in the crawl space.
Next week I go on a mini-vacation with an old friend. Kim and I are going to Ohio. We are staying in a cabin in Hocking Hills, south of Columbus. There is a hottub on the porch. I think I'll be able to manage somehow. Our respective spouses will remain at home with their respective animals. We did a trip to Michigan 2 years ago and I didn't want to come home. It was so peaceful and relaxing.
My mama dog Hilda has been afflicted with hypersensitivity to fleas which results in her pulling her hair out. She also had a hotspot on her tail. The vet shaved even more and so now she looks strange. She is on antibiotics and stearoids to stop the itch. She is much calmer and chewing less. She may become our inside dog since the fleas are plentiful this year, despite the flea killer stuff.
The rain in Indiana falls mainly on the mud. We aren't inundated like Arkansas but it rains about every 2 days lately. The house smells of mildew and I have been attacking with bleach. There is a fan going in the crawl space.
Next week I go on a mini-vacation with an old friend. Kim and I are going to Ohio. We are staying in a cabin in Hocking Hills, south of Columbus. There is a hottub on the porch. I think I'll be able to manage somehow. Our respective spouses will remain at home with their respective animals. We did a trip to Michigan 2 years ago and I didn't want to come home. It was so peaceful and relaxing.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Back to what passes for normal
I awoke to find that my head no longer felt like it was being crowded by some unseen force that made my ears feel plugged and my facial bones ache. This is a replay of what I had early April so I got some liquid echinecea and plan to hit it hard.
Did you ever realize that what you believe is real is only your perception. We say things like that but did you realize it? I recently did an excercise prompted by Deepok Chopra in his THE THIRD JESUS. You think of something you are afraid of, sit quietly with eyes shut and visualize what you fear. Then make the scene larger, then smaller. Stay with it a while then open your eyes. Did you notice how you were able to manipulate the thoughts and the fear? You were in control of the thoughts that produced your fear. Thoughts=Fear. You can control your fear not by avoiding it but by facing it and manipulating it. There are fears that don't include thought or at least I don't think they do. Like the fear my dog has of thunder storms. She roams the house hiding under the table every time it thunders. Even though she is out of the storm, she fears the noise. Does she remember a time when it stormed and she feared it, or does she hear the sound and feel fear?
Whatever, at least I have my head back.
Did you ever realize that what you believe is real is only your perception. We say things like that but did you realize it? I recently did an excercise prompted by Deepok Chopra in his THE THIRD JESUS. You think of something you are afraid of, sit quietly with eyes shut and visualize what you fear. Then make the scene larger, then smaller. Stay with it a while then open your eyes. Did you notice how you were able to manipulate the thoughts and the fear? You were in control of the thoughts that produced your fear. Thoughts=Fear. You can control your fear not by avoiding it but by facing it and manipulating it. There are fears that don't include thought or at least I don't think they do. Like the fear my dog has of thunder storms. She roams the house hiding under the table every time it thunders. Even though she is out of the storm, she fears the noise. Does she remember a time when it stormed and she feared it, or does she hear the sound and feel fear?
Whatever, at least I have my head back.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Wow I got 4 comments on the last blog!!! I have been waiting for more when I realized I needed to write another blog. There is only so much you can say about a blog then you need a new one.
My dog Charley has been faced with a new challenge. We tried to take all 3 german shepherds to the park this week and learned that Charley my faithful obedient male has reached puberty. Boy has he reached it. We are no longer able to penetrate his frequency. He does what he damn well pleases. He isn't a small dog and I don't like to take him on a leash because I often come away with a nearly dislocated arm. So I bought a new torture lead for him. He is not harmed by it, he just thinks it needs to come off. The lead goes around his nose and is pulled from below, so when he tried to pull away it is tightened around his snout. He really hates that and is learning quick that if he doesn't pull away it won't tighten. However, every so often he just goes bezerk and tries to get it off. If you scroll down you can see Charley.
Sunshine is here. After a long cold dark winter SUNSHINE IS HERE!!!! It has been here off and on since Monday. It is so wonderful. It was 45 and warm yesterday. We will probably get heat prostration when it hits 70. I have been digging bush roots. It is very muddy on the shoes but easier to get the roots out. Once upon a time someone decided to plant not one but two rows of bushes along the property line. I want this spot for an early garden. Since we added the potting shed(pictures on www.flickr.com/photos/64395360@N00/) we have a secluded spot in the sun. I have decided to move the lilac in the middle of the yard which will be more digging. I have set a goal of 1 bush a day.
Well I'm off to enjoy the SUNSHINE!!!
My dog Charley has been faced with a new challenge. We tried to take all 3 german shepherds to the park this week and learned that Charley my faithful obedient male has reached puberty. Boy has he reached it. We are no longer able to penetrate his frequency. He does what he damn well pleases. He isn't a small dog and I don't like to take him on a leash because I often come away with a nearly dislocated arm. So I bought a new torture lead for him. He is not harmed by it, he just thinks it needs to come off. The lead goes around his nose and is pulled from below, so when he tried to pull away it is tightened around his snout. He really hates that and is learning quick that if he doesn't pull away it won't tighten. However, every so often he just goes bezerk and tries to get it off. If you scroll down you can see Charley.
Sunshine is here. After a long cold dark winter SUNSHINE IS HERE!!!! It has been here off and on since Monday. It is so wonderful. It was 45 and warm yesterday. We will probably get heat prostration when it hits 70. I have been digging bush roots. It is very muddy on the shoes but easier to get the roots out. Once upon a time someone decided to plant not one but two rows of bushes along the property line. I want this spot for an early garden. Since we added the potting shed(pictures on www.flickr.com/photos/64395360@N00/) we have a secluded spot in the sun. I have decided to move the lilac in the middle of the yard which will be more digging. I have set a goal of 1 bush a day.
Well I'm off to enjoy the SUNSHINE!!!
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