Forgive and forget

Mother's Day is past, thank God. Neither of my two sons came by or called. Didn't expect it. They are busy feeling sorry for themselves and hating me. They think I should have acted more like a friend and less like a mother. Loved them too much to do that.

This is to all of you out there who think they hate their parents or parent. Someone told me that to show a parent hatred you must think they love you enough to overlook it. Not so sure I love them that much. At any rate I want to let you parent haters know a few things. You may have good reason I don't know your circumstances, I can only go on my own. I was angry with my dad for years but was able to make peace with him before he died. I am so grateful for that. I wish I could have done it sooner but it happened and that is what matters. You may not get the chance to do this if you wait too long. Or if your parent dies suddenly. You may be haunted the rest of your life by the guilt you carry for leaving things unsettled.

If you have children they may treat you worse than you are treating your folks. If not they will lack respect for you. Most of your anger is based on a fantasy you created or a premise to hold you back from what you are afraid to do. i.e. I blamed my dad for encouraging me to leave college before I finished, years later I realized I was free to go to school and there wasn't anything he could do about it. He didn't care, life was different by then. When you carry bitterness and hatred toward another you are the one who is hurt. My granddaughters don't see me because their father is a really confused but rather than make life more turbulent for him and his girls I will stay away and hope for a miracle.

I pray he will resolve this insanity and make peace with me. As for the other son I hope the same for him.

PETCO SUCKS

Today I learned that PETCO will no longer give 10% off at checkout when you buy over 200lbs. of dogfood. Nutro(my dog food)dropped the bag weight down 5lbs and raised the price shortly after I started buying it. Now the only perk I get is a free bag every time I buy 10 bags of food. If anyone gets a better deal at another pet store please let me know. I want to buy quality food.

Rainy Sunday

Yesterday I thoroughly cleaned our enclosed front porch. Today I lit candles and reveled in my efforts. As raindrops drummed upon the roof inside it was dry and candlelit. The furniture nicely arranged and my cat, Violet, trying to paw her way into my lap.

We have new neighbors across the street. I haven't officially met them other than a wave and a hello. They seem delighted in their small front lawn. They have put up a short windmill and an arch over the walk. Something you grown a vine or roses on. It is nice to see them take interest. So many drive on the lawn or kill the grass with animals and children. They have children also, their little girl was wailing in a "why can't I have what I want" fashion yesterday. She was seated in a small lawn chair holding a stuffed toy. Her father approached her, took the toy inside, then returned for her. He took her hand and though she resisted, he calmly pulled her inside. She was soon quiet. I felt her frustration. It isn't fun when everyone else is bigger than you are and when you feel you have no power.

Today I'm invited to a baby shower for my sister's adopted granddaughter. I knitted a blanket afghan in light green, yellow, violet and white squares. Also a toy dog that looks like a rabbit in the same colors. The toy is very soft and a baby might like it. Well I'm not looking forward to the dumb games but it will be nice to see some of my family.