Those are sticks, silly.

Goodbye '06

Tomorrow is the last day of this year. How fast the days fly by. It seems we just started and now we are at the end. It has been a good year, no major crises. Life has been reasonable of late. I spent yesterday with two of my grandgirls. The newest and and the middle one of many hats. We had a good day. The little one had a stick she found in the yard from our oak trees. She uses it to play music. She puts it in her mouth and hums little made up tunes. She took it in the dentist office and when grandma called it a flute she was told it is a horn. Yesterday she went into the yard and came in with several sticks. Her sister asked were they horns and she said, "no, silly these are sticks. Her sister persisted undaunted and asked if she was going to play the big one and she said "no it is too loud". She is almost 3 what imaginations we have.

As I watch these two young ones I think about being that old once and all the time between then and now. They have so much ahead and I so much behind. But life goes on and tomorrow is this year's end. What will '07 bring. More reasonableness I trust.

Enough Already

This morning I was listening to the Diane Ream show on NPR and someone called in and said that the President was Commander in name only and that over 50% of Americans were against the war in Iraq. So why the hell don't we do something. Why do we sit and moan let's start shouting. Let's end the killing and maiming and weeping and mourning. Enough already. If you want the war to stop do something, write your congressman or demonstrate. It is costing billions of dollars of your tax money and we are becoming indebted to other nations. They want to send more troops for their surge. All they are doing is sending more targets. Enough already.

Warm December

It is sunny and pleasant here in Indiana. Tomorrow they are forecasting 50 degrees. If anyone is reading my blog I would really like hearing from you. Last weekend I finished painting the walls in the dining room, a light sky blue. It looks really good with the wood around the windows and the green plants. I am looking forward to the mopboard being installed so I can move back the furniture. All these things take time.

Last night I went to meditation. It was good and I was able to get into it better than prior. It felt like I was almost free of my body. Usually I am so uncomfortable that I can't reach that feeling but last night was different. Instead of concentrating on the breath we could choose to concentrate on whatever we were feeling. I chose the stiffness in my shoulders and was amazed to feel the tightness dissolve. Also the pain in my bottom disappeared once I focused on it. This morning in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, it said that the practice can lead to calmness. Not just while sitting but later in your daily routine. That is true.

We did a short meditation which focused on others. We asked that the pain of others be lifted by lifting their anger, bitterness and delusion. It felt really good to be able to give this thought to others. Sometimes that is all we can give but it can change something. How we feel about others can change our attitude and our approach.

Culture

This morning I had the pleasure of attending a talk on diversity and culture. I use the word pleasure loosely. It was a mandatory pleasure ordered by those in command and I had no choice in the matter. I have come to the conclusion following this illuminating workshop that culture is not putting your little finger out when you drink tea. Yet in a way it is. Culture is what happens to you when you are born into a particular family, in a particular country and you are of a particular race and gender. More or less.

Enough of that. I am looking forward to the weekend. It is late Friday afternoon and I will be getting the weekend started at about 5:30 p.m. That is if all the parents get their kids on time. I think I'll kidnap my two younger grand girls for an overnight on Saturday. The youngest wants to come to my house. She is so earnest in her request that I have to agree.

We survived the snoopy auditors this week. They have returned to wherever snoopy auditors hang out and left us to refile our folders and sigh in relief. But it won't last long next week is our winter fest. That will be less stressful and more fun but time consuming nevertheless.

I have one more gift and I will be finished with Christmas Shopping. Every year I say I am going to start giving donations to charity instead of gifts because others need it more than my family and every year I buy my family gifts. It just seems silly to find people things they already have or don't want when there are people who have nothing and really need it. Oh well 'tis the season.

Changes

Today is the auction. My 93 year old aunt who is now quite forgetful and more childish every day owns 40 acres of prime farm land. Her POA’s will be selling the farm to help pay for her in home care.

My aunt worked all her life until she retired at age 55. She has lived comfortably on her pension since then even including some European trips. When she was 17-18 her father died leaving her mother with 4 younger children. My dad and aunt were required to take on responsibility for the others. Dad held down the farm while my aunt worked in town for the biggest landowners there. Later she moved to a better job in a larger city and eventually moved there. She lived alone and never married. She was always free to do as she chose until she began to lose her mind, as she puts it. Now her solitude is gone. There is always someone there but that is necessary. My aunt often becomes bewildered and lost trying to understand what is going on. She seems to have many webs and veils inside her mind hiding reality.

The farm is the last tie to her early life and it will be sold today at 6 o’clock. She won’t know the tie is cut because she won’t be told. She wouldn’t remember and it would only raise her anxiety level.

Instead I will go to the auction and keep it a secret from her. It has helped to write this because I am sad that this has to be and I needed to let it go.