Saturday, January 12, 2008
The house that Stan built.
This is the place we keep banging and clanging on. Someday Alice, but for now more banging.
Hillary
It is a lovely day here in Northeastern Indiana. I have most of my east dining room wall torn out. Then there is the insullation which is now a whopping 32+ a roll. These floods and hurricanes need to stop.
How about that New Hampshire primary. There is hope for this country yet. A woman could get this place on the map yet. I like the way she housecleans, she wants to take out the two oilmen first thing. Okay I am not sure I will vote for her but I admire her spirit and her stupidity. You got to be stupid to run for president. All those meetings and speeches and people you don't know shaking your hand. Either that or you really want to change things. Hope it is the latter in H.C.'s case. We need to get this country away from the cowboys and the oilmen or maybe I'm being redundant.
It feels like nearly every muscle I have is in tension. Maybe a hot shower would help.
Shiyh I am thinking of you.
How about that New Hampshire primary. There is hope for this country yet. A woman could get this place on the map yet. I like the way she housecleans, she wants to take out the two oilmen first thing. Okay I am not sure I will vote for her but I admire her spirit and her stupidity. You got to be stupid to run for president. All those meetings and speeches and people you don't know shaking your hand. Either that or you really want to change things. Hope it is the latter in H.C.'s case. We need to get this country away from the cowboys and the oilmen or maybe I'm being redundant.
It feels like nearly every muscle I have is in tension. Maybe a hot shower would help.
Shiyh I am thinking of you.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Gabby Violet
We are blessed or cursed with one of the noisiest cats I have ever met. She was described as vocal by the woman who sold her to me. Vocal she is. Last night it was very warm here, in the 50's and Violet wanted to go out. Normally we try to keep her in at night but she slipped past as we were going out. Big Guy tried to grab her on his way back in but she eluded him. At about 1:00 a.m. I heard her scratching at the deck door in our room. I asked Big Guy to let her in but he mumbled that she could stay out she wanted out so bad. I let it go and went back to sleep only to be awakened by bumps and scratches on the door that were enough to waken me but not enough to make me move until about 2:30 when I let her in. Of course she had to scold me with several loud meows and a tromp or two across the bed before she went off to her pillow in the closet.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Grandma, Aunt C, me and sister.
When Aunt C was young and so were we. Taken at Grandma's house where Uncle P lives now. Weren't we cute?
Losing Aunt C.
Well the office is still intact. Big Guy is more interested in completing the upstairs bath. I can't argue with that but I could be tearing this office up if the computers were moved. Well things always work out in their own time. He is doing a good job on the bathroom.
I am getting accustomed to staying home, well that isn't true entirely. It seems there are many reasons for me to get out of the house but with winter you tend to feel snowbound. Snow has disappeared this weekend and this morning it was 59 degrees when I got up. Now that is more like it. It won't last but I will enjoy while it is here.
When I first began this retirement thing I was afraid. Anything new tends to strike fear in me. Would I have enough money, would I get bored, would I be sorry I left my job? Well pish and tosh. I don't have enough money but when does anyone? At least among the working class. I like being bored from time to time and there is always somewhere to run off to and something to do. Today I must run by work to pick up a few things and I am sure I will remember why I am not sorry I left my job.
While I am retired I think I will devise a way for people to be employed without feeling they are being run around by the nose. Wouldn't that make sense? To share in the profits of a business when it did well and to scrimp along when things were bad, in other words to have an ownership of the place. I know some places claim to do this but I wonder if they really do. Well that can wait for another day.
As I age I have more reasons for grief, loved ones dying, losing people I worked with at least no longer seeing them daily. The sagging and wrinkling my body does that even a diet wouldn't change. (No wonder old people let theirselves get lumpy.) My aunt, who was more like my mom than mom is slowly dying. She is almost 95. Her body has withered to a scarecrow and her strength is waning with each day. Each time I see her I wonder why, why does she have to stay here? Why can't she go to the other place and have all the things that are missing here, like peace and contentment and faith unflinching. She has plenty of love, we all do love her. But with her dementia she has become more a child and not the woman who cared and listened. How I miss that woman. She never gave much advice except to point out what was right and what wasn't. I could sit and complain or worry with her and she listened and I saw an answer. You got to miss someone like that.
Now she just lies there waiting and sleeping. Sometimes she yells at the person changing her clothes for the liberties they are taking and she even tries to clobber them for their total lack of decency. Now the words are hard to get because she doesn't wear teeth much and she is weak. I keep asking God why must she go on and on. The only answer I have is to watch and see what there is to learn from her.
There have been lessons. Like the day I was walking her in her chair and thought how this poor woman still drew me to her even though she had long stopped making sense. How her wrinkled appearance repelled my youngest granddaughter. And yet I seldom saw it except with photos. To me she was that loving 50 year old aunt who helped me when I asked. How could I not love her. And I realized what love is. Only seeing a person's soul, not their body. I don't visit her out of duty but out of love and the need to grieve my loss of her. I pray that she may soon see the Jesus she has always loved.
Hope I haven't become too morose but this has helped me. Thanks for reading.
I am getting accustomed to staying home, well that isn't true entirely. It seems there are many reasons for me to get out of the house but with winter you tend to feel snowbound. Snow has disappeared this weekend and this morning it was 59 degrees when I got up. Now that is more like it. It won't last but I will enjoy while it is here.
When I first began this retirement thing I was afraid. Anything new tends to strike fear in me. Would I have enough money, would I get bored, would I be sorry I left my job? Well pish and tosh. I don't have enough money but when does anyone? At least among the working class. I like being bored from time to time and there is always somewhere to run off to and something to do. Today I must run by work to pick up a few things and I am sure I will remember why I am not sorry I left my job.
While I am retired I think I will devise a way for people to be employed without feeling they are being run around by the nose. Wouldn't that make sense? To share in the profits of a business when it did well and to scrimp along when things were bad, in other words to have an ownership of the place. I know some places claim to do this but I wonder if they really do. Well that can wait for another day.
As I age I have more reasons for grief, loved ones dying, losing people I worked with at least no longer seeing them daily. The sagging and wrinkling my body does that even a diet wouldn't change. (No wonder old people let theirselves get lumpy.) My aunt, who was more like my mom than mom is slowly dying. She is almost 95. Her body has withered to a scarecrow and her strength is waning with each day. Each time I see her I wonder why, why does she have to stay here? Why can't she go to the other place and have all the things that are missing here, like peace and contentment and faith unflinching. She has plenty of love, we all do love her. But with her dementia she has become more a child and not the woman who cared and listened. How I miss that woman. She never gave much advice except to point out what was right and what wasn't. I could sit and complain or worry with her and she listened and I saw an answer. You got to miss someone like that.
Now she just lies there waiting and sleeping. Sometimes she yells at the person changing her clothes for the liberties they are taking and she even tries to clobber them for their total lack of decency. Now the words are hard to get because she doesn't wear teeth much and she is weak. I keep asking God why must she go on and on. The only answer I have is to watch and see what there is to learn from her.
There have been lessons. Like the day I was walking her in her chair and thought how this poor woman still drew me to her even though she had long stopped making sense. How her wrinkled appearance repelled my youngest granddaughter. And yet I seldom saw it except with photos. To me she was that loving 50 year old aunt who helped me when I asked. How could I not love her. And I realized what love is. Only seeing a person's soul, not their body. I don't visit her out of duty but out of love and the need to grieve my loss of her. I pray that she may soon see the Jesus she has always loved.
Hope I haven't become too morose but this has helped me. Thanks for reading.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy or Merry?
Well we are almost through the Happy Holidays. Big Guy said very few people wished him Merry Christmas and I noticed that also. It was Happy Holidays. Well I like Merry Christmas better. Christmas was good, quiet, with my family. New Year's Eve will be quieter, I usually go to bed early and sleep through if the fireworks don't get too loud. I am officially retired on Jan 2. I have not been working since Dec. 19 with vacation etc. It is a new experience and once I get over thinking I have to be busy every minute it will be great. Plan to visit some friends who live out of state. One is my Crazy Columbian friend in Connecticutt. How do you spell that state? I hope to see her in April. Right now I'm tearing up my office which could mean a blog slow down for a time. Think my computer will be off through the plaster dust. Hope you all have a Happy New Year and if you want a happy holiday too.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Countdown.
There are just two more days until I retire. I notice that I am sitting here thinking that I won't be logging into this computer after Friday and I won't be the one deciding which picture will be on the desktop today. Funny how mixed my feelings are about this. I am excited about all the things I can do without supervision and I am missing things that I usually take for granted.
Yesterday everyone in my department said goodbye at our Christmas Party and one person said she envied me. I am happy to retire but I also realize that it means I am old enough and that I will only get older until there is no more. How depressing is that? There is only one thing to do and that is to enjoy today. This morning when the tibetan bell rang I thought, next week I can sleep in.
Yesterday everyone in my department said goodbye at our Christmas Party and one person said she envied me. I am happy to retire but I also realize that it means I am old enough and that I will only get older until there is no more. How depressing is that? There is only one thing to do and that is to enjoy today. This morning when the tibetan bell rang I thought, next week I can sleep in.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Today was Grandparent's day at Cocky's school. She is a freshman this year and I was surprised that they did this sort of thing at such an advanced age. She was amused at me and herself and we had a good time. Her class that I was to accompany her to was gym. We did a puzzle instead of anything active. Guess they thought us old people can't move. Cocky told me to be quiet then dropped her purse on the floor with a loud plop. She cracked up. Later we had lunch at a small cozy diner. she ordered rhubarb pie for desert and I got a bite. It was yummy.
Young people always inspire hope. She has her life yet and I hope it is a good one. She is a good kid.
Young people always inspire hope. She has her life yet and I hope it is a good one. She is a good kid.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Raining in the Closet
First shower in the beautiful new shower. It was so nice but a little like standing in a closet with the rain coming down. It is so big. The tile are beautiful and the windows on the sides are cool too. They bring in more light. It is nice having the shelving inside. Now I have to go shopping for accessories. The other thing nice about the windows is I can peek at Big Guy when he is in there. Hey Big Guy thanks for getting the shower going before December and before Thanksgiving too.
Well the big turkey day is coming. Time to get together with family and stuff ourselves. What a strange custom but we do it every year. My son has invited us and NMD is coming also. I am taking a cranberry whipped cream and cream cheese thing that is sinful. It will be nice to see my youngest son's S.O. Haven't seen her in a long while, she works out of town now.
Well the big turkey day is coming. Time to get together with family and stuff ourselves. What a strange custom but we do it every year. My son has invited us and NMD is coming also. I am taking a cranberry whipped cream and cream cheese thing that is sinful. It will be nice to see my youngest son's S.O. Haven't seen her in a long while, she works out of town now.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Church and muffins
Rows of kids it is the all school mass. My granddaughter Many Hats is doing the readings today and has invited me. So many kids the church is nearly full. There is a row with boys in red sweat jackets and one of them keeps turning to look at me and the people in my vicinity.
As I sit there I begin to remember how comforted I feel here. I have been attending a different church and this feel so like coming home. As I inhale that special scent Roman churches have. A smell that takes me to baptisms, weddings, funerals. To my first communion and my sister’s wedding. To mom’s funeral and Mark’s baptism. A feeling begins to ebb in. I want to stay here a while even though I am due back at work in an hour. All that history in a scent how magical is that?
But eventually I drag myself away and head for the Aspen Coffee shop. The teachers need a treat and so do I. Originally I planned on getting doughnuts but I remember that Aspen has Mill bread. So I get a loaf of California Raisin that turns out to be wonderful. I get a cranberry orange muffin and a dark roast. As I sip the coffee seated on a high stool I look out at the parking lot and watch an older woman enter the library branch. It is a gray morning with glimpses of sun. Could snow. I think of next month and how I can stay then. There will be no job to get back for. I can stay all day if I want. But that is next month and this is now. It is warm and pleasant here but I must move on and head back to work.
As I sit there I begin to remember how comforted I feel here. I have been attending a different church and this feel so like coming home. As I inhale that special scent Roman churches have. A smell that takes me to baptisms, weddings, funerals. To my first communion and my sister’s wedding. To mom’s funeral and Mark’s baptism. A feeling begins to ebb in. I want to stay here a while even though I am due back at work in an hour. All that history in a scent how magical is that?
But eventually I drag myself away and head for the Aspen Coffee shop. The teachers need a treat and so do I. Originally I planned on getting doughnuts but I remember that Aspen has Mill bread. So I get a loaf of California Raisin that turns out to be wonderful. I get a cranberry orange muffin and a dark roast. As I sip the coffee seated on a high stool I look out at the parking lot and watch an older woman enter the library branch. It is a gray morning with glimpses of sun. Could snow. I think of next month and how I can stay then. There will be no job to get back for. I can stay all day if I want. But that is next month and this is now. It is warm and pleasant here but I must move on and head back to work.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Antiques and Music
As I gazed out the window this morning I saw snowflakes. People were commenting that it was awful because it was snowing. But I was pleased. It has been trying to come and it is here at least today. The weather has been so changeable lately.
Last evening, Many Hats and I went to her guitar lesson. Her teacher said she has been practicing. She has found a guitar that fits her and wants to trade in her electric for it. She wanted the electric so bad last year. She is going to keep that guy in business. Together we devised a plan for obtaining her new guitar. She will need 150.00. She is going to tell 5 relatives that if they give her 30.00 in cash they can count that as her Christmas present. She really likes her music.
While I waited for her outside in my car I took a picture of an antique car. Probably from the 40’s and today I wonder about the connection to history. Yesterday I realized that my baby picture is 63 years old. That car is probably about that age. We had to bring in pictures of ourselves as babies and young children, I work in a pre school. People were supposed to guess whose picture was whose. That is an old picture.
Last evening, Many Hats and I went to her guitar lesson. Her teacher said she has been practicing. She has found a guitar that fits her and wants to trade in her electric for it. She wanted the electric so bad last year. She is going to keep that guy in business. Together we devised a plan for obtaining her new guitar. She will need 150.00. She is going to tell 5 relatives that if they give her 30.00 in cash they can count that as her Christmas present. She really likes her music.
While I waited for her outside in my car I took a picture of an antique car. Probably from the 40’s and today I wonder about the connection to history. Yesterday I realized that my baby picture is 63 years old. That car is probably about that age. We had to bring in pictures of ourselves as babies and young children, I work in a pre school. People were supposed to guess whose picture was whose. That is an old picture.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
MY SHOWER IS TILED!!
My shower is tiled!! My shower is TILED!!! The water isn't connected but the tile is in and it is beautiful. Thank you NMD. Also have the curved curtain rod up and the curtain. It is happening may be by Christmas the shower will be connected.
Weather has been warm but it is cooling down again tomorrow. Winter is still testing. Made reservations for a yoga getaway in Michigan for July. Next I'm trying to get a date to visit my Florida friend but so far no reply. She probably doesn't want to see me. Also want to go to Conneticutt in April but am waiting for a date there too. My crazy Columbian friend moved to Conneticutt this year and I miss her. That should be a wild trip, my friend Annie is accompanying me so it will be wild.
Weird, I began this with all thoughts of spiritual and insightful things and everything practical surfaced. What's up with that? Perhaps another blog.
Weather has been warm but it is cooling down again tomorrow. Winter is still testing. Made reservations for a yoga getaway in Michigan for July. Next I'm trying to get a date to visit my Florida friend but so far no reply. She probably doesn't want to see me. Also want to go to Conneticutt in April but am waiting for a date there too. My crazy Columbian friend moved to Conneticutt this year and I miss her. That should be a wild trip, my friend Annie is accompanying me so it will be wild.
Weird, I began this with all thoughts of spiritual and insightful things and everything practical surfaced. What's up with that? Perhaps another blog.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
TESTING
Winter is testing to see
If she can come in.
She has her big toe in the leaves
And is touching the air
With a long finger.
Winter is testing to see
If the air is cool enough
And the trees are bare
Will it rain or snow
How soon can she move in?
Winter is testing to see
If the snowflakes will stay
Will ice form on the walk
Will the air steam from our lips
Then she will move in.
Winter is testing to see
How many of us complain and how many times
We talk as if there was a way to hold her back
She shakes her head and screams
As she moves in.
If she can come in.
She has her big toe in the leaves
And is touching the air
With a long finger.
Winter is testing to see
If the air is cool enough
And the trees are bare
Will it rain or snow
How soon can she move in?
Winter is testing to see
If the snowflakes will stay
Will ice form on the walk
Will the air steam from our lips
Then she will move in.
Winter is testing to see
How many of us complain and how many times
We talk as if there was a way to hold her back
She shakes her head and screams
As she moves in.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Almost quitten time
In 19 minutes it will be time to go home. Lately I have been having all these thoughts, like when I retire will 4:00 p.m. have the same meaning. Will I care when it is 5:00 a.m. or will I sleep through. Will I miss not seeing the same people every day 5 days a week. How silly is that? I will or not. I will deal. But it is my way of greiving the loss of the predictable and familiar.
I had a nice experience today. Drove to a small town about 40 miles NW of here that I used to spend time in. It was odd because a lot of downtown was the same. Same storefronts, different names. There were some new places on the main hwy passing through one side but overall it had not changed a lot in 10 years, except many houses needed paint. It was good to be there again.
It is blowing with a few snowflakes today. Won't be long there will be more. Well there goes 4:00.
I had a nice experience today. Drove to a small town about 40 miles NW of here that I used to spend time in. It was odd because a lot of downtown was the same. Same storefronts, different names. There were some new places on the main hwy passing through one side but overall it had not changed a lot in 10 years, except many houses needed paint. It was good to be there again.
It is blowing with a few snowflakes today. Won't be long there will be more. Well there goes 4:00.
Monday, November 05, 2007
MONDAY, MONDAY
Had a good weekend with the grandgirls. Many Hats and Curly spent Saturday nite and Curly spent Sunday. Many Hats went home early. She had shopping to do with the other GM. Curly was insistent that she would be spending the entire day with grandma. So she did. However she wanted to stay longer when I took her home at 5. We had a good time, feeding ducks and picking up pretty leaves, went to a nearby college that has many ducks and a neat pond. We took a long walk and found some hot chocolate after.
Stephanie’s imagination is working well, she said that her mother can fly and when her wings become invisible she floats. She was positive that ducks have diarrhea and that fish peed in the lake. (May be they do.) It is amazing what she can think.
Many Hats has been having grade problems again and her dad is freaking again. He keeps expecting more that she gives. She always takes a grading period to shift gears when she comes back from summer vacation. Cocky’s grades were all that hot either, she started a new school (freshman in high school). It takes time to adjust. But dad and mom want to freak.
Time is passing and I am counting days I think there are about 24 more working days until the end of working for the man. Then I will be working for ME. I plan to have a small party for a few people but none of that whole company s___. There are so many things my house needs before the party.
Started reading THE KITE RUNNER. It is good, wish I could spend the day with it but it will be in bits and drabs. Short week this week with a 5 day weekend. We get the 12th off also.
Stephanie’s imagination is working well, she said that her mother can fly and when her wings become invisible she floats. She was positive that ducks have diarrhea and that fish peed in the lake. (May be they do.) It is amazing what she can think.
Many Hats has been having grade problems again and her dad is freaking again. He keeps expecting more that she gives. She always takes a grading period to shift gears when she comes back from summer vacation. Cocky’s grades were all that hot either, she started a new school (freshman in high school). It takes time to adjust. But dad and mom want to freak.
Time is passing and I am counting days I think there are about 24 more working days until the end of working for the man. Then I will be working for ME. I plan to have a small party for a few people but none of that whole company s___. There are so many things my house needs before the party.
Started reading THE KITE RUNNER. It is good, wish I could spend the day with it but it will be in bits and drabs. Short week this week with a 5 day weekend. We get the 12th off also.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Joy and Promise
Well it has become apparent to me that the reason I blog is for attention. Since I am not getting a great deal of that lately, except for loyal Feng, I have decided to blog anyway. Interesting the spell check keeps underlining blog. When are they going to update that thing? There are a zillion things I should be doing at the moment but anyone knows that is far too many things to do in a minute so I will write this instead. I had a great weekend filled with joy and promise. The joy was Curly, my grandgirl, and the promise was Stan’s nephew who went shopping with me to purchase tile for our shower. We have a space dedicated to a shower in our upstairs bathroom but Big Guy has been dragging his feet on finishing it. NMD(North Michigan Dude) however is going at it. He has been cementing on the orange membrane and getting ready to do the deed. I am thrilled, a shower and a tub on different floors, how decadent is that? We have the tile now and NMD is working today but very soon now we will have tile on the shower wall.
Work is really dragging lately because try though I might I can’t stop thinking about being free in December. I really make an effort to live in the moment but I wind up wondering how many more moments until retirement. When I consider how the remainder of my life is so much shorter than what has transpired so far I try to be here right now. But it will be so nice to be free!
The weather today is so hot all of a sudden. This am it was pleasant but at noon it went immediately to hot. It has been warm all September. I wonder if we will get frost in October. NMD remarked that we didn’t have much color here. I told him it was coming but when. I think it usually shows up in October after the first frost. I am ready for cooler weather.
Work is really dragging lately because try though I might I can’t stop thinking about being free in December. I really make an effort to live in the moment but I wind up wondering how many more moments until retirement. When I consider how the remainder of my life is so much shorter than what has transpired so far I try to be here right now. But it will be so nice to be free!
The weather today is so hot all of a sudden. This am it was pleasant but at noon it went immediately to hot. It has been warm all September. I wonder if we will get frost in October. NMD remarked that we didn’t have much color here. I told him it was coming but when. I think it usually shows up in October after the first frost. I am ready for cooler weather.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Guilty as Charged
I am guilty of blogger neglect. For this I am most sorry, but life do go on and on. It has been busy but uneventful so what could I do but wait until something interesting presented itself. This weekend was good, I invited Curly for an overnight and we had a pleasant time. She is so dear and at the age where everything you say is taken literally which can be so funny at times. We enjoyed the hammock and reading books. She colored some pictures for me and we looked at photos of everyone. Our time ended with apple picking at a local orchard. Her parents and Many Hats were there. She enjoyed it as much as a trip to the toy store. She ran down the lane, squealing with delight as she vied with her sister for the best apple. When it was time to go she told her mom that she wanted to ride with grandma and go back to her house. Mom said no and then commenced the argument. Mom won of course. Life was so simple at that age, but then I think we tend to complicate it more than is necessary.
My work has been taking a lot of my attention. Hardly have time to read blogs let alone write one. Big Guy has been roofing a house with his nephew’s help and all I get done is cooking when I am home. The nephew is being paid in food and room, not a bad trade off. He is staying in the studio behind our place and plans on living in town for a while. He started a new job today. The roof has progressed rapidly since his arrival.
I also have been making plans for my financial situation since I want to retire in December. Had to sign up at the Social Security Office and get things lined up with my financial guy. Next I will have to meet with our HR person to choose my end date etc. Also have started a list of things I think of doing when I’m working that I can’t do because I am working. Plan to keep this handy for those days when I say there is nothing to do I’m bored. I am sure those days will come after I retire maybe 8-10 months down the road, maybe not. My sister is also semi-retired and we can get into all kinds of trouble together.
Plan to do more cooking and baking. There are a lot of meals I can’t make now that I would like to make. Curly is in pre-school and every so many weeks she has to take a treat so maybe she and I could make it. Might bring one to where I used to work sometimes as a surprise. It will be sooo fun.
My work has been taking a lot of my attention. Hardly have time to read blogs let alone write one. Big Guy has been roofing a house with his nephew’s help and all I get done is cooking when I am home. The nephew is being paid in food and room, not a bad trade off. He is staying in the studio behind our place and plans on living in town for a while. He started a new job today. The roof has progressed rapidly since his arrival.
I also have been making plans for my financial situation since I want to retire in December. Had to sign up at the Social Security Office and get things lined up with my financial guy. Next I will have to meet with our HR person to choose my end date etc. Also have started a list of things I think of doing when I’m working that I can’t do because I am working. Plan to keep this handy for those days when I say there is nothing to do I’m bored. I am sure those days will come after I retire maybe 8-10 months down the road, maybe not. My sister is also semi-retired and we can get into all kinds of trouble together.
Plan to do more cooking and baking. There are a lot of meals I can’t make now that I would like to make. Curly is in pre-school and every so many weeks she has to take a treat so maybe she and I could make it. Might bring one to where I used to work sometimes as a surprise. It will be sooo fun.
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