Charley

Living like Charley

Well here we are another day after Christmas. Somehow I always like today. The glitter and gleam have quieted and life can return to as normal as it gets. The year is ending for good or evil and a new one looms ahead. Days will begin to lengthen and the sun will shine more and it will be spring after all the snow falls and the ice freezes.

What we do with each minute of everyday will determine how life will unfold. Will it be dark or bright. We have the choice in how we perceive each moment. If we look for sadness and unrest we will find it as sure as we will find possibilities and hope. My life has had the opportunity lately to be one of anger and unrest, also sadness and self pity. This has been an unusual and peaceful Christmas because I decided it would be blessed instead of cursed. I found joy and peace this Christmas and my loyal friend and I felt close because of the unpleasantness.

I try to pattern my behavior after my German Shepherd, Charley. Charley is always so happy to see me and when I pet him he falls against me and lies on my feet. If I scold him for something he lowers his head and his ears and slinks off. But if I call him he is right there happy to see me again. No resentment or anger just living in the moment and forgetting the past. Life is so much better when I can live it like Charley.

Commercial Christmas

Do you ever wonder why people buy into this Christmas spending year after year. It has to be done by Christmas so there starts the stress. You have to buy the right gift so the person who gets it will be pleased, more stress. You have to go out with other poor souls some of whom are coughing and sneezing, germs, more stress. When you are all done and Christmas is past, your credit card bill comes, more stress. Why do we continue year after year to stress ourselves over such a silly custom? Are we afraid to offend or afraid we won't be loved. How ridiculous, if someone loves you they aren't going to stop because you gave them a gift card or donated to a worthwhile charity in their name.

There are those who need things far worse than the guy you are buying for who probably will hide the gift in the attic and forget who gave it to him. A few years ago I gave money to an acquaintance with cancer because she was unemployed and needed it. I told my daughter-in-law that her gift had gone for this reason. She was pleased and interested in what happened. Later the girl died in Las Vegas but she had a good time on her trip and up until the last. She was able to make the trip a long time dream. Being part of her adventure was remembered more than a pj's or a dvd.

I have decided to give more time to the people who really matter to me throughout the year and less at Christmas. They will get use to it or not.

With One Voice

Life is always giving me a different direction. I go along thinking I know where I am going or better yet where I am, only to find out I haven't got a clue. I was comforted to learn that when you can say I don't know it only means that you have an open mind and more to find out.

I was fortunate this week in being able to see a new documentary by Mat and Carol Flickstein called, "With One Voice". Many spiritual teachers of many differing faiths were interviewed in a free form style. No leading questions other than the topic. Each teacher was given the option to discuss spirituality as it pertains to religion for about 90 minutes. They talked about their own spiritual experiences and about how religion and spirituality differ. Also addressed was how peace and conflict can exist together without starting war. Then the editor cut things down to the best of all in about a 78 min film. It was so intense regarding thought provocation that I have to buy it so I can slow it down and absorb it better. After the film I had a hard time referring to different teachers or being able to put the teacher with the teaching, despite my efforts to remember who said what during the film.

It was a good documentary because I wanted to see it again as did some of my friends who were present. Many answers and many questions still remain. I am awed by the teachers who spend their lives looking for answers.

Remebering Ted Kennedy

My friend from Fla was here yesterday, with her husband. It was good to see them even if they didn't eat much pizza. My other friend who lives here also came to see Jeannette again. We all used to do hair together many years ago. None of us do hair now except for friends and relaltives. It was nice talking with them again.

Today at breakfast I was struck by something, endings. How some are pleasant and some are sad. When your headache ends it is pleasant, when a relationship ends it isn't. How some things end without notice, like the life of a bug or the end of the day. The end of the day can also be spectacular, like the sunset over Silver Lake. How the end of a child's life can bring intense misery and the end of a rainy spell happiness.

Maybe this had to do with the end of life for Ted Kennedy. He was a better man than I knew. The fact that his young nieces and nephew's and grandchildren lingered at his gravesite proved that. To have one's life end and so many people share the goodness accomplished in your life must be gratifying. I'm sure he was there too. To live to help others is truly a calling. It makes me realize I could be doing more. The reading today talked about not just preaching about religion but living it and doing it. That is what Ted tried to do. That is what all of us should try to do.

inside potting shed

At odds

Well I could write about my short trip to Ohio but I really don't feel like it. I have been waiting for my son to regain sanity and it is going to be a long wait I'm afraid. There is nothing worse that a conservative redneck who thinks he's right. You just can't get through the thickness of his skull. So I must wait. He allowed me a visit with my granddaughters last week and I could visit again but I would have to see him again. Right now that isn't a priority. May be down the road a ways. When he needs me he will soften.

Big Guy has added a room on the garage. It is my potting shed/craft room. It will also store wood pellets for the pellet stove. It has much window light and a work table along 2 walls. The upstairs will also be nice when he finishes. He says it will be a space. Not sure what that means but I'm sure it will have a deck. It will be a nice place to hide out in when I need quiet. I think the upstairs will be for the dogs too. It will make a nice shelter in the winter.

Big Guy's grandson went home today. His dad picked him up. He's a good kid and was very helpful during his time here. He said he wants to come back next summer. He pointed out that he could come anytime since his grandpa will be retired. I won't be long, the 1st of October. The guest room/computer room will be the next project. He has to finish wiring the garage/potting shed too.

I will think nice thoughts about my son tonight.

Silent Noise

I hope I make it through this month. There so many things I can think of to do but normally they would be put on a shelf for later or never thought of at all. This month I try to do as many as I think of and that is tiring. Right now I am painting the porch floor and cleaning everything I see. I hope this passes soon, I'm tired.

I wrote this recently:

Silent Noise

Bird chatter, cars whizzing
No human sounds
No animal sounds
Noise in the silence
Miss Gato appears at the screen door
Softly she approaches
Then disappears.
Somewhere in the yard
Crickets chirp
Adding to the silent cacophony.
Rain barely falls
Upon the silent noise
I wonder as we go about our lives
Are we all making silent noise?

Sweet Rose

skinny gretchen sleeping

August

This is my crazy month and I have been enjoying it. When it first started I was a bit apprehensive but since then I have come to welcome it. I get more done and am more creative in this month. August is like a precurser of what is coming. The spiders rally to build more webs. The wind is active in bringing in change. It is cloaked in a soft moisture that is so seductive. Rushing through the leaves it mimics the ocean's waves. Days are warm and lazy. I could sit all day save for my monkey mind that insists I do this or that.

Now that my granddaughters are returning to school I have more time for me, not that they were here that much this year. Now their father is saying I must stay away,(he's going through a spell) I really miss them. But I have my dogs. Charly is such a lover. He wants to nuzzle me and lick my face. Gretchen is more autistic, she allows one pet then prances off. She is so thin, she eats but she runs all the time. And Hilda the dear old thing. She is only 7 and is old according to the dog food bags. She has been exercising more(daily morning runs) and eating less and has dropped much of her puppy fat. I swear she reads my mind. I drive Hilda and Charly or gretchen(they take turns) to the park each weekday morning. It must be fun seeing my little Honda Civic coming at you with Hilda sticking her head out of the passenger window and Charly out the driver's side. People probably wonder who is driving.

Cowboy neighbor

Sons

Well this will probably turn into a rant but what the hell. My sons are grown but they haven't matured yet and lately they are dredging up stuff from their teen years. Of course it is my fault that this stuff happened. At least they think so. I want new sons. Can I take these back and exchange them for some functional ones?

Well I have started a new afghan for this winter. It will be for my room and my bed. No one else. My sister said I need to take care of myself right now, and she couldn't be more right. It will be a very lovely warm pale yellow afghan. The color should brighten my day.

My ankle is better. I finnaly gave in and saw my doctor. He agreed that I have a sprain and have had for the past 6 wks. He gave me a prescription for something that makes it feel much better and has reduced the swelling. I can walk on it without much discomfort now. I am pleased.

Getting old

Well it's time to write again. I thought I would write endless drivel when I retired. I would have lots of time right? Well that is a myth. I continue to write drivel but only sparsely, not endlessly. There seems to be time to do much of what I choose to do but there is plenty of that. Sometimes I do what is required of me but I try to keep that to a minimum.

The weather is warming and I will be outdoors more. My recumbent bike has been serviced and it is like a new one. It is a pleasure to ride. The garden needs work and the yard. My 3 german shepherds need excersize so there you go more stuff I want to do. The pups are over a year now and they find plenty of ways to exercise in the kennel. There is a ramp they run on with one up and one on the ground nipping at the others heels. They take turns on who is up. The white pup is very long and tall. She likes to leap through the air. Charlie the black and tan tends to be more solid and prefers charging ahead to leaping.

Life is settling down. We are still grieving out bishop and I the family members who have died the past year plus others who have died in the past. I think that is part of getting older. If you don't die someone you love does. But it is like the next place everyone goes so it might be ok. It might not, we just don't know.

Well the s--- is hitting the fan on this waterboarding thing. I think it is fascinating. Cheney keeps poking his head out of his underground hole and trying to tear down Obama. Cheney is such a prick. He has a new book out with a very apropo title "Dick". We think he is trying to gain support from his cronies forr when the spotlight gets turned on him. That lying Condeleeza is finally getting noticed for her part in it. Anyone who takes 15 sentences to answer a simple yes or no question has to be an accomplished liar and truth evader. But I judge.

Have a lovely day today, it is supposed to be one. Enjoy this day and be aware of it.

Petals in the Wind

They left me
Dropped like petals from a flower
A colorful flower bright with warmth and love
A safe and nourishing plant.

They fell one by one
Some said goodbye.
But all left.
Crying, lost, alone.

A child again
Unsafe, unsure, alone.
She said we can’t stay
The earth would be too crowded.

Each petal left a special scent
A gift for me to keep
Each taught a lesson
A craft, a skill.

But they are gone
Blown away by the wind.
And I am here
So very much alone.

Rose Schamberg
4-11-09

Bishop Skip

Recently our church community was shocked to learn that our bishop was gone. He suffered a stroke and died the same day. He was loved by everyone and we all went to him when we were troubled. He was 64. Tonight there is a special service for our community and the funeral is tomorrow. My initial reaction was one of joy for him. He wouldn't have to suffer the indignities of old age or the pain of a lingering illness. He was unconscious for most of it. He had done a lot of good and God saw that it was enough. Then my Big Guy pointed out that it might not be a good idea to present all these cheerful opinions to those who were still grieving. I wasn't home at the time(away on a trip) so I wasn't in the thick of it. He had just finished counseling a weeping church lady. So I reflected and realized I was afrain to grieve, afraid because everyone has died, my parents, his, my ex spouse, his, my ex sister-in-law, my aunts, uncles, sister, his brother. It was just too painful to start all that again. It would be easier to skip to the acceptance part. But it don't work like that. I'm sure more will come up tonight at the service. I was able to shed some tears when I wrote about him and again when I read the obituary he had written for himself. He was such an intelligent witty guy. I will miss hime.

Spring and Relaxing

There is a touch of spring in the air. It will go away to return for real but it is still welcome. It has been winter until last weekend and it will be nice to see spring.

It makes me feel like taking the leaves off the flower beds but I will wait for more warmth before I do that. It was so windy last night, it came in gusts. I was afraid it would take down the house or at least a tree. But it only took a trashcan and knocked over some lawn chairs.

Tonight is my first Relaxation Yoga class. I'm teaching so it will be a hoot. I bought a sponge ball today. I think it will help relax people. Sometimes you have to get the stress out first. I used to work with a great lady from Columbia who thought I was her maid. Get me this and that. I had a sponge ball that I pitched at her whenever she went too far. She always pitched it back and we laughed and squealed. I don't know if the supervisor liked it and I don't much care. I miss her now, the Columbian. Don't think I'll ever miss the supervisor.

Well Facebook was fun for a minute. Now it is dead. No one writes. I will have to write them. I think Jeannette must be out of town, she doesn't respond and I think she was going somewhere. Maybe someday. Well I must get ready for class.

Haircuts and greed

Well today I gave 4 haircuts. Mark and fam were here and were they hairy. Mark was the worst. He has very thick hair and he had let it grow. Cocky is as bad only her hair is longer and doesn't need the clippers. Curly only needed the bangs done. She is so sweet. She played with Charley and other than asking to let Gretchen in over and over was great. The sweater I made for Cocky went to mom. It fit her better so it is back to making a sweater for Cocky.

I got a new comforter for our bed Friday and I love it. I was thinking about all the entertainment if gave me before it arrived. It took a week to get here and everyday I expected it. So each day I had something to look forward too and then at 7:00 pm when I was sure it wouldn't be today I could be disappointed. This went on until Thursday when I read the part in the shipping notice that said it wouldn't come till Friday. When it wasn't here by 5:30 Friday I was ready to be depressed. But it showed up a little after 6. Now look at all the fun it gave me even before it got here.

I thought about this and I think that is a big part of getting something new. It isn't having the thing so much as finding it in the store or on line. Waiting for it to arrive etc. After it is there a week you forget it is new and think about the next purchase if you haven't bought something else already. This may be a blessing with the economy turndown. We may learn to treasure more what we have and buy less. Buddhists say that this is greed, always needing more. That it is one of the obstacles to connecting with our deeper spiritual aspirations. Perhaps we can take a lesson from nature and find the simplicity there. Maybe we too can live a more simple life.

Party

Saturday we celebrated Curly's 5th Birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese's and I was nice to the other grandma. She had a great time and so did Many Hats as illustrated below. That is her friend Darrien. She and Many Hats volunteer at the nursing home on Mondays and I drop them off. Many Hats really likes working with the residents there. She is talking about doing it next year too. Curly received a crown and scepter and earrings and was a real princess. But we knew that. The pizza was good too.

Today was yoga. It is such a relaxing thing to do. I plan to start a class for friends starting in February. It will be to focus on relaxing and meditating. I find both of these to be important in maintaining sanity. It will also be to have fun. My yoga teacher has been doing this for at least 30 years. She attends seminars and trainings and recently went to Belize for a Yoga retreat. She always has new ideas. Plus she is a neat person. Her voice is always calm and I think she practices what she preaches.

My Gretchen (White Shepherd puppy)turned a year the 14th. She really tries to do what I want but she gets so excited she forgets and goes back to the undesirable stuff. Maybe we will need another year. Her brother, Charlie, is different. He is more laid back and willing to follow directions without a hassle.

Stars

SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Lazy after lunch
Fed by food and talk with friends
Relaxing I watch as
My male shepherd poke around
Gray blue skies and naked trees
Framed by bay windows.

A memory stops by
Grandma's couch and Aunt Catherine
She reads the funnies
To me and my sister
Her voice expressive
Her words sure.

A yearning swells in my chest
For the softness I felt
Sitting near her
Loved, sheltered, warm and lazy
No one pushing me
Free to enter the make believe.

Rose Schamberg

In memory of my Aunt Catherine who died this year. I am grateful that the memories are beginning to surface. This is something recent as she died in June.

Long time no news

Someone recently told me that I hadn't entered anything since the last time I entered. How succinct is that? Please don't tell me. One of the reasons is that no one comments so I assume that no one is reading which lets me feel I am writing a personal diary rather than a blog. It is nice to have a comeback now and then. Tell me I'm full of s__t if you want.

But enough already, How about that INAUGERATION!! I am so encouraged by the new bunch and the head honcho. I hope he can keep gathering steam. It will take a lot or maybe very little. His approach is to get us involved and if he can get the big CEO's cracking we could get it up out of the mire. Right now we are real close to getting sucked up in the quicksand. I plan to do more volunteering which was zero so anything will be more.

My youngest g-girl Curly invited me to her Chuck-E-Cheese party. She turned 5 Jan. 18 She said I could come to her party if I was nice to the other Grandma. I said I would be and she said, "OK then you can touch her." Where does she get this stuff? I have been knitting myself a sweater. Mostly because if I gave it away no one would wear it. Too many oops. Oh well it will be warm. It keeps me busy.

There is more to tell but I will save it for another day. This is known as the tease in news reporting.