New Place

My blog is coming from a new place, I think it is some sunny beach somewhere. Yeah that's it. If I can't get anyone except my sweet loyal spouse to respond to my blog at least I can have a nice place to write in. According to the blog layout ad this should cause more people to view my blog because it will catch their eyes. Well we will see.

We have snow. It has been a long time getting here. It is colder here also. I don't remember waiting until mid January for snow my whole life and that is a lot of life. We had a brief one day melted snow earlier but nothing that seemed like winter. May be it is here at last.

Let me know what you think of the beach.

Even though I feel this is just going out into the blogosphere to float among other blogs and no one ever sees it, since I don't get comments, I am writing anyway. My meditation teacher would say that my ego is hurt and she would be right. I will let my conscience rule and write because I can. Who knows I might have something to say. Yesterday I went to a meeting with Mathew Flickstein who is getting funding to do a documentary for PBS about the world's religions. His premise is to show that even thought there are many religions in essence they all agree on the important stuff, or something like that. It was very refreshing to spend time with Matt. He was so honest and thoughtful. There was no pretense, no game playing. Very different from so many encounters. He gave us time to meditate and that evening I went to my yoga class which always ends with meditation. So yesterday I had two opportunities to be quiet. Today I noticed that it was easier to find a moment to be still and concentrate on my breath. It made me think about becoming more dedicated to daily meditation. I do it now but it consists of sitting in bed before going to sleep and I usually end it soon after I begin.

Yesterday was also my #3 grandgirl's birthday. She was bouncing around the house as usual. She liked the toy cell phone and outfit I gave her. After she played with it for a short time she asked, "Are there more presents?" What a kid. I think her birthday comes too close to Christmas.

Pray

I am very concerned about the future of this country. We have a very scary leader. He wants to keep this war going and he wants to kill more of our young men. A woman just called in to NPR to say her husband was called for service when he had been honorably discharged some years ago. Are they so desperate they will take anyone? Perhaps it was an error. I hope so. Possibly the only way to stop this insanity is to do what we did during Viet Nam. Peace marches. If we hit the streets in D.C. they will have to do something. The other possibility is to get Bush a psychiatrist. He probably wouldn't keep his appointments. I will pray that a ray of sanity penetrates his thick skull. We must all pray.

Those are sticks, silly.

Goodbye '06

Tomorrow is the last day of this year. How fast the days fly by. It seems we just started and now we are at the end. It has been a good year, no major crises. Life has been reasonable of late. I spent yesterday with two of my grandgirls. The newest and and the middle one of many hats. We had a good day. The little one had a stick she found in the yard from our oak trees. She uses it to play music. She puts it in her mouth and hums little made up tunes. She took it in the dentist office and when grandma called it a flute she was told it is a horn. Yesterday she went into the yard and came in with several sticks. Her sister asked were they horns and she said, "no, silly these are sticks. Her sister persisted undaunted and asked if she was going to play the big one and she said "no it is too loud". She is almost 3 what imaginations we have.

As I watch these two young ones I think about being that old once and all the time between then and now. They have so much ahead and I so much behind. But life goes on and tomorrow is this year's end. What will '07 bring. More reasonableness I trust.

Enough Already

This morning I was listening to the Diane Ream show on NPR and someone called in and said that the President was Commander in name only and that over 50% of Americans were against the war in Iraq. So why the hell don't we do something. Why do we sit and moan let's start shouting. Let's end the killing and maiming and weeping and mourning. Enough already. If you want the war to stop do something, write your congressman or demonstrate. It is costing billions of dollars of your tax money and we are becoming indebted to other nations. They want to send more troops for their surge. All they are doing is sending more targets. Enough already.

Warm December

It is sunny and pleasant here in Indiana. Tomorrow they are forecasting 50 degrees. If anyone is reading my blog I would really like hearing from you. Last weekend I finished painting the walls in the dining room, a light sky blue. It looks really good with the wood around the windows and the green plants. I am looking forward to the mopboard being installed so I can move back the furniture. All these things take time.

Last night I went to meditation. It was good and I was able to get into it better than prior. It felt like I was almost free of my body. Usually I am so uncomfortable that I can't reach that feeling but last night was different. Instead of concentrating on the breath we could choose to concentrate on whatever we were feeling. I chose the stiffness in my shoulders and was amazed to feel the tightness dissolve. Also the pain in my bottom disappeared once I focused on it. This morning in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, it said that the practice can lead to calmness. Not just while sitting but later in your daily routine. That is true.

We did a short meditation which focused on others. We asked that the pain of others be lifted by lifting their anger, bitterness and delusion. It felt really good to be able to give this thought to others. Sometimes that is all we can give but it can change something. How we feel about others can change our attitude and our approach.

Culture

This morning I had the pleasure of attending a talk on diversity and culture. I use the word pleasure loosely. It was a mandatory pleasure ordered by those in command and I had no choice in the matter. I have come to the conclusion following this illuminating workshop that culture is not putting your little finger out when you drink tea. Yet in a way it is. Culture is what happens to you when you are born into a particular family, in a particular country and you are of a particular race and gender. More or less.

Enough of that. I am looking forward to the weekend. It is late Friday afternoon and I will be getting the weekend started at about 5:30 p.m. That is if all the parents get their kids on time. I think I'll kidnap my two younger grand girls for an overnight on Saturday. The youngest wants to come to my house. She is so earnest in her request that I have to agree.

We survived the snoopy auditors this week. They have returned to wherever snoopy auditors hang out and left us to refile our folders and sigh in relief. But it won't last long next week is our winter fest. That will be less stressful and more fun but time consuming nevertheless.

I have one more gift and I will be finished with Christmas Shopping. Every year I say I am going to start giving donations to charity instead of gifts because others need it more than my family and every year I buy my family gifts. It just seems silly to find people things they already have or don't want when there are people who have nothing and really need it. Oh well 'tis the season.

Changes

Today is the auction. My 93 year old aunt who is now quite forgetful and more childish every day owns 40 acres of prime farm land. Her POA’s will be selling the farm to help pay for her in home care.

My aunt worked all her life until she retired at age 55. She has lived comfortably on her pension since then even including some European trips. When she was 17-18 her father died leaving her mother with 4 younger children. My dad and aunt were required to take on responsibility for the others. Dad held down the farm while my aunt worked in town for the biggest landowners there. Later she moved to a better job in a larger city and eventually moved there. She lived alone and never married. She was always free to do as she chose until she began to lose her mind, as she puts it. Now her solitude is gone. There is always someone there but that is necessary. My aunt often becomes bewildered and lost trying to understand what is going on. She seems to have many webs and veils inside her mind hiding reality.

The farm is the last tie to her early life and it will be sold today at 6 o’clock. She won’t know the tie is cut because she won’t be told. She wouldn’t remember and it would only raise her anxiety level.

Instead I will go to the auction and keep it a secret from her. It has helped to write this because I am sad that this has to be and I needed to let it go.

Sunday Morning

It is calm before the storm right now. Two grandgirls spent the night and are still asleep. The youngest who is a small hurricane has been sleeping in and so the calm. How does one little girl have so much energy and one grandma have so little? I think the bigger we grow the energy must spread over more area and thus lose some power. How's that for a scientific explanation?

Lately I have been working too much and enjoying life too little. There has been one bright spot, my meditation class. I am learning more of the Buddhist approach and find it fascinating. It is probably too simple to be fascinating and as I progress I will use a different adjective but for now I'm sticking to fascinating. The way I get it the goal is there is no goal. One simply becomes still and allows the thoughts in one's mind to slow down and quiet like the waves on a lake. Sounds easy huh? Try it sometime. My thoughts want to ripple back in and stir up the water but when that happens I can notice the thought is there and without judgement or criticism, it will float away like the clouds above the lake. Or at least that's the plan. Practice is the key and finding time to practice is the challenge. But as I read in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, practice can happen when I choose and it doesn't have to be a rigid daily thing. Only when I choose.

Well it is time to wake the hurricane, Namaste.

After Yoga Class

I am sitting here trying to think, Yoga always leaves me so relaxed and at rest. I can sit and do nothing very well after class. My teacher is very seasoned and very good. When she ends class it is a welcome relief kinda like when you stop banging your head against the wall, it feels so good. I needed class lately, we have been so busy at work and stressed. Why is it that there are always deadlines to meet? They never move the deadline they just increase the things we have to do to meet it. If by chance I get it done then there are all these changes that have to be added...etc. etc. etc. Just writing about it leaves me stressed and I was so relaxed. There is nothing I can do but forget about work and enjoy the tired peacefullness I feel. This moment is here and it is everything. Namaste.

On Aging

" It took a long time to get here but I'm right on time." Don't know the author or if that is exactly what he(she) said but I sure can identify with it. During Curves this week the owner had a book with photos of events that occurred in our fair city. She was distracting us from the routine with a little game where we could identify the picture and win nothing but the satifaction of getting the answer right. The pictures dated from 1985 back to 1944 and I realized I was on this earth for every one of them. Don't think anyone in the room at that time could share that distinction. Not too sure I want that distinction but considering the alternative I guess it's ok to be the oldest person in my morning Curves work out. There are people there from time to time who look my age or more but not last Friday. Needless to say I got several guesses right.

Hilda's a Drama Mama

Well those puppies we thought were coming aren't. Hilda went to the vet Monday and he thought she might have had a false pregnancy. She was running a fever so he gave her some antibiotics. He thought she might have an infection but could find no puppies. Hilda has been having a discharge since Thursday so we thought something was going to happen since Friday was day 63. She is acting like one of the actresses on my soaps. Pretending to be expecting. We are disappointed but happy that she will be alright.

I can't find mom.

My 93 year old aunt who hates doctors had to go to the hospital this week. She was having chest pains and a low pulse rate. Not only does she hate doctors she has dementia and remembers very selectively. Lately she has forgotten that her mother and father are dead and keeps asking where they are. Well I shouldn't say lately, this has been happening for years but not as frequently per visit. It might have happened 3 times during my visits, now it is over and over. It was worse while she was in the hospital. She is like a small child who wants her mommy and daddy. I tell her they are dead and she seems to believe me then in a minute she wonders where they are again. The doctor sent her home with prescriptions that she will fight against taking. I pity her caregivers. But I'm not arguing with her, she made it to 93. The doctor said her heart rate is slowing down and for someone more sane he might have tried a pacemaker but given her circumstances he opted for some pills and time. I really hope she can see her mom and dad soon. She is so alone and tired. I will really miss her. But then I have been missing her since the dementia set in.

When Hilda was a puppy 3 years ago.

Time

Another summer is coming to an end. The kids are back in school. My grass needs rain and the flowers need watering. The tomatoes are red and sweet. Hilda is pregnant or she is doing a great impression. Lately she has been very needy. She wants to be petted and her ears scratched. She is still romping and barking for her rawhides. This will probably change when the pups get here. She will be busy feeding and cleaning them. It makes a dog mature to have puppies. We will miss our puppy Hilda but she will give us a replacement. Time has a way of growing things, flowers, tomatoes, puppies and children. How precious time is.

Dog Days

I think I know what they mean when they say dog days. It is when all you want to do is lay around and sleep like your dog does. I have been living in dog days for a few days now. Last evening I attended meditation class again and sleepiness was one of the topics. It seems that sleepiness is often used as an aversion. If you don't want to face something or if you are angry and don't want to admit it. That kind of thing. It can also be that you are out of balance or most obvious of all you plain ain't getting enough sleep. I think I am out of balance. With the heat I was sitting and reading a lot. Not active enough. Last night I went for a bike ride, it was pleasant with the breeze and the drop in humidity. There could be a little aversion going on. I have been trying to decide when and if, to retire completely. The choice is between not working and being poor and working part time and being poor. Tough choice. No wonder I'm sleepy!

Summertime

...and it's hot in Indiana. Humid and hot. We got the jump on it yesterday, shut the house up and turned on the air upstairs. It helped cool the whole house. Haven't had much energy with this heat. It is supposed to break about Thursday. My cat Violet has been coughing so I'm taking her to the vet after work. She won't like it but it has to be done. I have been asking Hilda if there are any puppies in there but she won't tell. We will know more the end of next month. Wow! tomorrow is next month. Summer sure flies by fast. We are almost fully enrolled for the preschool program. Soon we will be getting to know new families. Keeps the job interesting. That great guy Stan finally opened a Flickr account. You can see his pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/84739639@N00/ check it out.

Hilda's Wild Weekend

Well Hilda and Polar Bear had another date last Friday and they spent the weekend together. We picked her up Sunday afternoon and Polar's owner said the deed was done. That means if everything worked we will have puppies mid-September. Hilda is still chasing Bernie around the yard, once she gets started she's hard to stop.

Hilda is the White German Shepherd

Hilda is seen here with Gus who is near her age. Yesterday Hilda went on her first blind date. We arranged for her to meet Polar Bear, a 5-6 yr old shepherd. She appears to be going into heat again and since Woka is gone we are trying to get a litter of Hilda's puppies. We want to keep one. Hilda seemed to enjoy the outing. Polar Bear's people were pleased that he was polite and not trying to rip her head off. He has some social issues. But Hilda was extremely hot and he couldn't resist.

When Hilda is ready to settle down to business we will take her back to Polar Bear. For now she will remain with Bernie who can let us know how close she is. When and if there are puppies you can see them here.