Sunday Morning

It is calm before the storm right now. Two grandgirls spent the night and are still asleep. The youngest who is a small hurricane has been sleeping in and so the calm. How does one little girl have so much energy and one grandma have so little? I think the bigger we grow the energy must spread over more area and thus lose some power. How's that for a scientific explanation?

Lately I have been working too much and enjoying life too little. There has been one bright spot, my meditation class. I am learning more of the Buddhist approach and find it fascinating. It is probably too simple to be fascinating and as I progress I will use a different adjective but for now I'm sticking to fascinating. The way I get it the goal is there is no goal. One simply becomes still and allows the thoughts in one's mind to slow down and quiet like the waves on a lake. Sounds easy huh? Try it sometime. My thoughts want to ripple back in and stir up the water but when that happens I can notice the thought is there and without judgement or criticism, it will float away like the clouds above the lake. Or at least that's the plan. Practice is the key and finding time to practice is the challenge. But as I read in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, practice can happen when I choose and it doesn't have to be a rigid daily thing. Only when I choose.

Well it is time to wake the hurricane, Namaste.

After Yoga Class

I am sitting here trying to think, Yoga always leaves me so relaxed and at rest. I can sit and do nothing very well after class. My teacher is very seasoned and very good. When she ends class it is a welcome relief kinda like when you stop banging your head against the wall, it feels so good. I needed class lately, we have been so busy at work and stressed. Why is it that there are always deadlines to meet? They never move the deadline they just increase the things we have to do to meet it. If by chance I get it done then there are all these changes that have to be added...etc. etc. etc. Just writing about it leaves me stressed and I was so relaxed. There is nothing I can do but forget about work and enjoy the tired peacefullness I feel. This moment is here and it is everything. Namaste.

On Aging

" It took a long time to get here but I'm right on time." Don't know the author or if that is exactly what he(she) said but I sure can identify with it. During Curves this week the owner had a book with photos of events that occurred in our fair city. She was distracting us from the routine with a little game where we could identify the picture and win nothing but the satifaction of getting the answer right. The pictures dated from 1985 back to 1944 and I realized I was on this earth for every one of them. Don't think anyone in the room at that time could share that distinction. Not too sure I want that distinction but considering the alternative I guess it's ok to be the oldest person in my morning Curves work out. There are people there from time to time who look my age or more but not last Friday. Needless to say I got several guesses right.

Hilda's a Drama Mama

Well those puppies we thought were coming aren't. Hilda went to the vet Monday and he thought she might have had a false pregnancy. She was running a fever so he gave her some antibiotics. He thought she might have an infection but could find no puppies. Hilda has been having a discharge since Thursday so we thought something was going to happen since Friday was day 63. She is acting like one of the actresses on my soaps. Pretending to be expecting. We are disappointed but happy that she will be alright.

I can't find mom.

My 93 year old aunt who hates doctors had to go to the hospital this week. She was having chest pains and a low pulse rate. Not only does she hate doctors she has dementia and remembers very selectively. Lately she has forgotten that her mother and father are dead and keeps asking where they are. Well I shouldn't say lately, this has been happening for years but not as frequently per visit. It might have happened 3 times during my visits, now it is over and over. It was worse while she was in the hospital. She is like a small child who wants her mommy and daddy. I tell her they are dead and she seems to believe me then in a minute she wonders where they are again. The doctor sent her home with prescriptions that she will fight against taking. I pity her caregivers. But I'm not arguing with her, she made it to 93. The doctor said her heart rate is slowing down and for someone more sane he might have tried a pacemaker but given her circumstances he opted for some pills and time. I really hope she can see her mom and dad soon. She is so alone and tired. I will really miss her. But then I have been missing her since the dementia set in.

When Hilda was a puppy 3 years ago.

Time

Another summer is coming to an end. The kids are back in school. My grass needs rain and the flowers need watering. The tomatoes are red and sweet. Hilda is pregnant or she is doing a great impression. Lately she has been very needy. She wants to be petted and her ears scratched. She is still romping and barking for her rawhides. This will probably change when the pups get here. She will be busy feeding and cleaning them. It makes a dog mature to have puppies. We will miss our puppy Hilda but she will give us a replacement. Time has a way of growing things, flowers, tomatoes, puppies and children. How precious time is.

Dog Days

I think I know what they mean when they say dog days. It is when all you want to do is lay around and sleep like your dog does. I have been living in dog days for a few days now. Last evening I attended meditation class again and sleepiness was one of the topics. It seems that sleepiness is often used as an aversion. If you don't want to face something or if you are angry and don't want to admit it. That kind of thing. It can also be that you are out of balance or most obvious of all you plain ain't getting enough sleep. I think I am out of balance. With the heat I was sitting and reading a lot. Not active enough. Last night I went for a bike ride, it was pleasant with the breeze and the drop in humidity. There could be a little aversion going on. I have been trying to decide when and if, to retire completely. The choice is between not working and being poor and working part time and being poor. Tough choice. No wonder I'm sleepy!

Summertime

...and it's hot in Indiana. Humid and hot. We got the jump on it yesterday, shut the house up and turned on the air upstairs. It helped cool the whole house. Haven't had much energy with this heat. It is supposed to break about Thursday. My cat Violet has been coughing so I'm taking her to the vet after work. She won't like it but it has to be done. I have been asking Hilda if there are any puppies in there but she won't tell. We will know more the end of next month. Wow! tomorrow is next month. Summer sure flies by fast. We are almost fully enrolled for the preschool program. Soon we will be getting to know new families. Keeps the job interesting. That great guy Stan finally opened a Flickr account. You can see his pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/84739639@N00/ check it out.

Hilda's Wild Weekend

Well Hilda and Polar Bear had another date last Friday and they spent the weekend together. We picked her up Sunday afternoon and Polar's owner said the deed was done. That means if everything worked we will have puppies mid-September. Hilda is still chasing Bernie around the yard, once she gets started she's hard to stop.

Hilda is the White German Shepherd

Hilda is seen here with Gus who is near her age. Yesterday Hilda went on her first blind date. We arranged for her to meet Polar Bear, a 5-6 yr old shepherd. She appears to be going into heat again and since Woka is gone we are trying to get a litter of Hilda's puppies. We want to keep one. Hilda seemed to enjoy the outing. Polar Bear's people were pleased that he was polite and not trying to rip her head off. He has some social issues. But Hilda was extremely hot and he couldn't resist.

When Hilda is ready to settle down to business we will take her back to Polar Bear. For now she will remain with Bernie who can let us know how close she is. When and if there are puppies you can see them here.

Bang Bang Bang

Indiana has recently permitted fireworks that were formerly thought too dangerous to be bought by the general public. Funny when the right lobby gets their way what can happen. Personally I don't care if you want to take your hard earned money and blow your right arm off with it, more power to you. But do you have to do it until midnight in constant succession while I am trying to get some rest and my husband has to get up at 5:00 am. Everytime it became quiet it would begin again, bang, bang, bang. Did I mention that we live near a park. Someone decided to rent it and everyone who came had their own fireworks. They took turns setting them off.

My poor dog Bernie (mutt) cowered under the upstairs gazebo and Hilda (white German Shepherd) climbed to the top of the gate, tearing off a dew claw in the process. Stan had to leash her to the doorknob inside the bedroom. (She's started another heat and is messy.) For four days my poor dogs have been shivering while the bang bangs go off. Why the hell can't they all just go to the park and watch? Or take all their money and burn it in the backyard.

My friend Latin Rapunzel and daughter Dark Eyes came for dinner. Both my sons and families made it. My oldest grandgirl Cocky was otherwise engaged. When you are 13 you are often otherwise engaged. We had too much food and a lot of good conversation. Dark Eyes is getting hooked on my marble game. Stan framed the new window for the dining area. It is ready for the hole to be cut, I think, but then what the hell do I know. Thank you Ayreswoman for cooking the meat. The dessert was over the top big G and small S. Good brats Mark.

Today I am lunching with an old friend of many years, too many to count. We are going in her kickass Chevy Truck that is a convertible. Watch out the crazies will be loose.

What is so rare....

These last days of June are perfect here in the Midwest. The breeze is cool but not too, the sun is bright but not blazing and life is good. Well except that I am staining the house that grew up. There is nothing like covering a house with stain and a roller to make you realize how much it grew. My original plan has been resized. I was planning on an overall stain but am beginning to think there are many areas that still look fine from the last staining. When a house grows in stages there are older and newer sections. I'm thinking the older stages can come first and the newer ones might wait a year or two. The fun part will be the pigbarn or loony bin. The tip top. That great guy Stan is still working while I'm vacationing??? He is getting the heeby jeebies thinking about me hanging out the windows of the pigbarn which is my solution to reaching the top. My butt, being very heavy, I will sit on that while hanging out and I'm sure that I will be sufficiently anchored. I guess he wants to be here in case I fall so he can watch.

Something good happened last night. I remembered a dream. I don't very often. It was about work. We were having an assembly where someone gets up and tells us how much we are doing and how much better we could do it. Before anyone could speak, I noticed two janitors, three actually, but I can't name the last one. O'Dell and Booker are the two I can name. They all looked overworked and sore. I immediately dashed onto the stage ahead of the speaker and asked if they would like to see some Yoga stretches. O'Dell (steady, loyal and ornery) nodded and Booker (serious schemer) just watched. Think the third guy watched also. I did a cobra, pose of the child combination. If you aren't familiar, the cobra consists of raising up on your arms while lying face down so that your back stretches at the waist. The pose of a child begins on all fours, then you push back with your hands; butt rises and face touches the floor, relaxing pose. Anyway my back bend was very deep and the feeling was exquisite. I remember O'Dell joining me and Booker hesitating.

Recently I took a cd from the library by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, she explained the basics for interpreting dreams. I was able to conclude that I was feeling trapped at work with other trappees. I stold the spotlight and showed a way to heal and find freedom in the positions. That's it in the concise form. It gave me a valuable insight. I recommend the cd but don't recall the name. Anyone out there who does know more about dreams I would like to hear from you.

Isn't Curly glowing?

Bitter and the Sweet

We lost our oldest dog Woka, she was Bernie's mom, and she always kept his ears clean. We put her down because she was ill and it was the day before we left for vacation.

The trip was good, great guy saw someone he hasn't seen in years and met some wonderful new people. I got to spend more time with Curly and Many Hats and their mom. Cocky stayed home with her dad. Curly introduced me to "iddy biddy birds" which is what she was calling horseflies. I love her logic. Stan and I now have a new name for flies. I had a bad cold the whole time but Stan climbed the dunes and had a lot of fun with our guests.

On the last day we learned that someone Stan cared about had died. He was saddened by the news. We stopped at his son's in another town on our way home. His new daughter is precious.

We got home safe and sound. The next day I rescued Cocky from her experiment in hair color. She was red and she only wanted a highlight. She is still red but has more highlights and looks cool. Today I got to see two good friends, Latin Rapunzel and Alabama Annie. Life is sweet.

5 more days.....

...until the big vacation at Lake Michigan. We are all anticipating a great time and a wonderful get together with relatives, some mine and some great guy's. Some we saw yesterday and some not for a while. My 3 grandgirls will be there, Many Hats, Curly(#3) and Cocky(#1). Cocky is 13 and definitely her nickname, (quiet, confident with a sharp, quick wit).

I had lunch with Curly and Many Hats on saturday. We ate at Triangle Park which has a pond on the property stocked with catfish(humungus!), geese and a swan and swanlette. Curly was very happy because she likes to feed "duckies" and they are her favorite bird. Many Hats was enamoured with the baby swan and quite vexed that the catfish were getting the baby swan's food first. The waitress gave us a lot of stale bread and we were the first feeders that day so we had a good reception. Curly really liked it. Oh yeah our lunch was delish too.

By the way, Latin Rapunzel, Many Hats wants to see you. It may be a week before there is more from here but there will be much to report about our big camping trip.

The spirit meditates

This week I attempted to escape my farmer work or your worth nothing background. It isn't easy. I attended a meditation class. The class was 90 minutes long. We were encouraged to choose a chair or cushions on the floor. I being a smart yogi showoff brought my own pillows and sat lotus fashion on them. After about 50 minutes of the pillows and constantly shifting position my butt was screeching, "enough already. " I decided to continue sitting and told my butt to relax which it wasn't doing very well. It seemed it like screeching better. After 60 minutes it was saying, "Let's get out of here." Since I couldn't find a way to leave with out disturbing the other participants, who were sitting quietly, I remained seated. Though I did try to think of some way to leave inobtrusively and the only thing I could think of that would work was to disappear in thin air and so far I haven't mastered that trick. My butt was not relaxing so I told it that it could choose between the pillows or the chair. The last ten minutes were the fastest and that chair was the most comfortable I've been in for quite a while. Actually the whole 90 min. went quickly except for the screeching.

The next day I had an awareness about the prior evening. I wasn't good at being in the moment. I can be there when I think about it for about 30 seconds then I have to think about it again because I forget where I am. There was nothing to do but be in the moment on the pillows with my bottom in pain. I could have left or moved to the chair but still I was there in that room and in the stillness. The leader was directing me to focus on my breath and to find the source of my breath. Two simple assignments that are often very difficult to maintain. The source of my breath and my breath are not the most fascinating things to focus on however I am very grateful for both. I am also more aware of the things in life that are going on, like the cotton clouds and the many shades of green in the leaves. Each day has so much to offer if I will only look. The way my white shephard cocks her head and watches me when I say her name. The way my cat shuts up her nagging meow when I stroke her back. Things that could be considered mundane can be of interest if given attention. It is good to be aware.

Moist morning

Walking to Curves this morning I noticed the rain has stopped. We had a heavy drumming rain from about 2 a.m. until 5:00 +. At least the times I woke up it was raining. It was so relaxing and steady that I didn't wake up for the first two gongs from my tibetan alarm clock, but my back up alarm (great guy Stan) said, "Hey that's the second ding, wake up." Anyway back to walking downtown this morning. All the sidewalks were dark from the water, the bricks were a different color and the plants were drooping from the raindrops. Flowers observing the earth below unable to raise their heads because of water weight. The landscape seemed painted with a new brush. Quiet reigned over what would later become noisy engines, brakes and squeaks. How infrequently we find peace. How luxurious when we do.

Past and the Present all headed into the future.

Is anybody out there?

I haven't heard back from anyone lately and I was wondering if anyone was reading my blog. If you are please comment it could just be a yeah or a mmmn. Just so I know I'm not living in a vacuum.

Good weekend, survived the socializing rather well. Told the great guy Stan that we wouldn't have anyone over for a while since I started tearing the wall out of the dining room. But now I'm reconsidering, if no one sees the mess how are they going to appreciate the remodel. Anyway I am tearing out the dining room walls, love to tear down since I get so frustrated trying to build anything. I nearly had a stroke trying to remove a shelf brace with the power driver yesterday. It kept slipping off the screw head until I finally tore the wall out around it and hammered it off. That's another nice thing about destruction over construction.

Glad to have spent time with Latin Rapunzel and Mama Gorda this holiday. They are equally crazy in their own way. Hope Mama finds some answers and relaxes. Latin will always view life from the level of the princess. She still waits for the car door to be opened by her boyfriend. Can you believe it?? We (Latin, her guy and my great guy and me) all toured the antique store (huge). The town has many Amish near by so it isn't unusual to see them with their horse and buggy on main street, you also have to watch where you walk,(horse poo poo). The store has antique furniture arrranged in rooms, dining room with old china on the table, bedrooms, living rooms etc. So you can stand in the bedroom and look at the horse passing outside. It puts you back a century. Driving home we went past their homes, it seemed pristine not having electric wires and poles cluttering the landscape. The only obstruction were fences. It seemed like another world.

But it's Tuesday now and I can't find my favorite earring because my granddaughter(many hats) spent the night. I miss an earring almost every time she comes. Of course she was never upstairs and has no idea where it could be. Tonite I will super clean the bedroom, Stan found one on the floor so maybe....

Remember, I need to know there is someone out there.