Curly

No words

I am thankful for Curly. She and I were resting after the big T-day dinner. "Tell me a story Grandma," she said. "I always tell the stories you tell me one."

"I don't know the words," she said. "You don't?" I asked. "No, I know Little Red Riding Hood went through the woods to grandma's house, but I don't know the words." she said with a crestfallen look.

"Why not?" I asked. "Because when I saw the video Dad had it on mute." Curly said.

Nature's beauty

Thanksgiving

Next week we eat too much. I guess that represents that we have plenty. This year not so much. Too many don't have jobs and very little money. The poor big three automakers are crying cause they messed up. They want the people who have poor paying jobs to help them out. Of course the CEO's still fly in on their personal jets. They keep saying we should help so the autoworker can keep his job, or do they just want him working so he can help pay for the bailout? What a mess money makes. Maybe we should do away with it.

The thought behind this was to be negative but positive. I wanted to express my gratitude for what I have. I have two very fine sons and two fine daughter-in-laws. Three lovely grandgirls who are move precious than platinum because they are priceless. My sweet wonderful Big Guy who is the best guy in the whole world. Four crazy dogs who are always happy to see me.

I live in a house that was built larger and better by Big Guy. I got to finish and decorate and it is becoming a showplace. Well at least I show it to everyone who stops by. I have a stove that is warm and has a friendly fire. I have a cat who meows at me and wants to be petted at odd times. I have enough to eat and a place to workout. I have a recumbent bike, a Honda Civic, use of a Chevy Truck, a walk-in closet/sewing room, and all the time I need. Life is good.

Every day is new and unfolding its wonders. Behind the haze is a glowing sun. The snowflakes are soft and white and the ice has many patterns. Nature has so many lovely things to admire and explore. There has to be a God somewhere. The trees have relinquished their leaves and the landscape has become black and white with a touch of brown and a little green. Next month winter begins. Even winter has its charm like cozying up to a dancing fire or walking through the newly fallen snow. I am thankful for life.

Camper and a penguin

What a difference a day makes. My intelligent son pointed out to me how something can be expensive, like gas, but if you have to spend money for a new car or camper it can be cheaper to buy the gas. I was all crazy about buying a new camper that would tow with a smaller vehicle. That would mean trading a vehicle and paying over 8000.00 for a like new camper. I think I'll spring for a new water heater and keep the camper I have. For 1000.00 I could spruce it up alot.

Weather here is gray and glum. It rains enough to look wet but not enough to help the grass seed I planted. It is warmer that is a good thing.

I bought a penguin today. A child's stuffed penguin who looks like he was in "Happy Feet". I saw "Happy Feet" the first time at my sister's in Houston. She has died since then and this will be the first Christmas I can't call and wish her Merry Christmas so I bought the penguin. It was a blessing for her to leave this life. She was paralized with no hope of any recovery. I like to think of her as free and able to use all her limbs again. Maybe she will slip in for my Christmas Eve.

Well I think I will start planning on how I am going to decorate the camper. I could clean it too. I know that is a bit over the top but I just might.

New and old

This has been a great week. We have a new president who can't wait to get started. He is already working and he doesn't have to work until January. He will be a good president and accomplish much.

The weather has turned cooler and I have been using my new pellet stove. It is amazing. It stops if it isn't getting fuel. It shuts off if it gets too hot. It burns a hot fire with very little fuel. It is great.

Leaves keep falling and I keep raking. Michigan Dude has blown a lot of them to the curb from the backyard and I have been raking the front. Some of the oak leaves don't fall until the new buds come on in the spring. The colors have been lovely. I will add a picture of some of the beauty.

We are progressing on our house. Soon will have the upstairs windows in and the cracks around them sealed. The big windows are in but there are two little side windows that blow cold air because there are cracks around them. The down bath is still bare. Big Guy cleaned it out and tore out the floor. His progress since has been limited due to other projects but I think he is about to refocus his efforts on the bath. It will be wonderful when it is finished.

Life is becoming more fun. I have adjusted to staying home and doing what needs to be done here then finding things I want to do. Some days I have to remind myself that I am retired and can play all day if I want. Days are interesting and I am surprised when I look at the clock instead of thinking the day will never end, I think is it that late already?

Lately I have been mourning the death of my Aunt Catherine. She died at age 95 this year and my sister Alice died a few months prior. They were both severly debilitated and I welcomed their deaths for their sakes. But now I miss my aunt when I was younger and she was at herself. She was my counsel and my listener. I can't stop by her house because it has been sold. I can drive by and I do often. But she is gone and I can only imagine what she would say and how our time together would be. I also realize that I haven't been able to mourn her until now. May be because I feared it would hurt too much.

NOVEMBER

NO WAY
NO HOW
NO MCCAIN

July Clouds

AUGUST

It is a sunny Sunday. Church was very nice today and so was breakfast with the bunch after. I always feel the August is a crazy month. It is more connected to the supernatural then October. There are more creative juices flowing this month. I can write better in August and my awareness level is higher. Even though my eyesight is blurry. I am not blurry other months not like in August. May be the way the sun is cast, it seems so bright this month. The nights here are cool and sleep laden. It is almost like a sleep drug is in the air. The zircada make a monotonous sound that soothes me to sleep. The breeze is steady and brings laziness. School starts tomorrow so the streets will be quieter through the daytime. Children will be put back into school clothes and homework.

This is the climate for just being. For resting in a hammock or a lawn chair and looking at the blue sky and white clouds. Clouds are also more shaped and intense in August. One year I am going to take a photo each week to show how the green changes in the leaves. This is the first year that our oaks don't have brown leaves in amongst the green. It must be all the rain. Watching how the sun changes the leaves throughout the day is also worthwhile. Many people see this as wasting time but it is awareness of time. It is time to value the time there is.

My sister

Laughing Eyes

This was going to be a long blah on my recent activities but I changed my mind. I can do that. I was 46 before I became aware of that fact. Before that I thought I had to stick to whatever decision I made but all that did was cause me to avoid decisions then blame my husband for the way things turned out. I have since given up both. Sticking to decisions and my first husband. I have a second husband and so far that decision is one I want to stick with.

Last week we had a funeral service for my sister who died in March. She suffered from MS and eventually was weakened by pneumonia and died. She was 5 years my junior and I can't help thinking about how it could have been me . It is a mystery why some people suffer so much and others don't. Take that back, I suffer watching others suffer. It isn't the same thing, I know, but I seem to be given that lot. I once read about how some people are sensitive and I definitely qualify as a sensitive. When someone describes surgery I feel the pain and I don't mean figuratively. I feel it.

Alice, my sister, was a lovely person with laughing eyes. Even when she couldn't move anything but her face and mouth she had those eyes. Her son has them too and maybe her granddaughter. I reserve judgement until she is at least a year. When Alice was young and working she must have been a flirt. She had dimples and a natural beauty, dark lashes and brows. Dark curly hair and of course, dark laughing eyes. She wasn't as tall as myself or Phyllis, my other sister. She was smaller all around. When she met Vin. that was it. No turning back wedding bells were gonna ring. He caused a stir because my dad had always been against marrying outside the race and he wasn't even German. But he was ok with Vin and who couldn't be? He was such a fair, non-violent, pleasant man.

So many years have passed, so many things have happened. Alice leaves behind Vin, Ben, Kisha and Lisa. Some thinks she left before Lily so she could help prepare her coming. If Lily keeps those laughing eyes, I will have trouble believing otherwise.

The Neahwantha Inn

Neahwantha Inn

This week I and an old friend went to Michigan near Traverse City. We spent a few days in the Neahwantha Inn. Attended a yoga class and enjoyed the quiet, no TV. The inn overlooked the lake there was even a yacht in the bay. The bathrooms had old fashioned sinks, one with a marble sink. The claw foot tub was long and deep. All the furniture was antique or hand crafted. It was great stay. Breakfast was provided each day and consisted of organic foods and very healthy. I didn't want to leave.

I remembered how quiet a home is without TV. When I was a child there was none, only radio. My mom and dad only turned the radio on to listen to a program then. It didn't blare all day. Inner Sanctum, The Lone Ranger, Amos and Andy, Stella Dallas. Those were the days. Life was more restful then slower paced and relaxed. I felt safe as a child. Living on a farm outside of town it was just me, my family, and the neighbors. Simplicity.

Staying at the inn was a lot like going to stay with a relative. I recommend it to anyone who wants a quiet rustic place to stay in Northern Michigan.

Choices

Did you ever help someone who was trying to succeed only to see them fall down again? This happened recently and I have been dealing with it. The person in question has a problem with self sabotage. Whenever he is doing well he finds a way to do worse. I think it is called skipping a step. Instead of working his way up he tries to jump up, missing a few steps along the way. Important steps that when avoided turn you into a cheater. I'm really sorry that is the path he chose but I hope he learns a lesson from it and chooses a different way next time.

Palm Trees

Well I made it to Florida and back. My two grandgirls were a bit tired and one of them a bit testy but we made it nonetheless. My friend was so kind and generous. She let us use her duplex which she usually rents but since it was empty we got it. The duplex had two bedrooms, one with a king bed which worked for the girls. There were 2 baths. It bordered the canal to Indian River and you could dock your boat there. We didn't have a boat but enjoyed some pretty sunsets on the dock. We could walk a block and be at the ocean. The water was perfect and Many Hats was in it most of the time. Cocky chose to remain indoors. She is in 15 yr. old crisis. I am told this will pass. Soon I hope.

My friend has a magazine picture home. You step inside and can see her inground pool through a glass wall. The pool was all tiny tile with a small spill over pool above it. The pool was enclosed in screen so you could leave the patio doors open which made it easy for the german shepherd to run in and out. The dog loved the water and Many Hats had a lot of fun with her. Roxie. Th e other dog Coco wouldn't go near it. Coco is a chihuahua mix and had not desire for water . My friend, let's call her J has two daughters. Sweety and Gonga(or something like that). Gonga just returned from Spain on a 10 day trip. She was jet lagged and funny. Sweety is tiny next to Gonga or probably anyone. She is friendy and helpful and sweet but she gets that from her mom. Dad or Big J is easygoing and pleasant. Cocky liked him because he defended her stand on a few issues. Big J makes quite a picture with Coco the tiny chihuahua.

Well you get the picture. Prices are high in Hutchison Island and most of Florida. Watermelon was 7.99 for seedless. They ain't t that big.

We really enjoy the trip and I really enjoyed seeing Big Guy when I got home. The drive took 2 days both ways which was a bit tiring. Next trip I'm looking into trains.

Aunt Catherine 2005

Even then she had an interest in life. That is my handsome brother with her.

In Memoriam

My surrogate mother passed away this week. Her funeral was yesterday. She was my dad's sister, my favorite aunt. She bonded with me after my birth since my Mother was ill and couldn't. (Mom recovered after a year.) I have always depended on her for answers and help. Well at least until the past years when she was unable to think clearly. She was a very caring woman with very high principles. As she neared the end she still did not believe she was good enough to go to heaven. If that was true then there is no hope for me.

She was the port in the storm, the one with the spare change. She was the ear for listening and the shoulder for crying. She had the good advice I didn't always follow, then wished I had. She loved her family, her siblings and their children and their children's children. Sometimes she said no because she knew that was the right answer. She really loved us all.

She loved to laugh and we used to giggle into the night. Her wit was loved by many because it was self deprecating or kind. She didn't use sarcasm often. She wasn't afraid to point out that something was wrong, that you needed to make a better choice. She helped when we needed someone to stay with us. She helped her mother in her last days. She helped her younger siblings when her father died. It was never all about her, but this is.

I will miss her kindness, her gentle ways, but she will be there in my memories. Nudging me toward the right choice and loving me. I will try to let her rest in peace.

Yoga and Politicos

Beautiful day!! I remarked to someone today that without the crappy days we have had we wouldn't appreciate days like today. It is so clear. Yoga class this a.m. Feel so relaxed.

Yesterday I was reminded of and old friend who moved away. Three people I worked with were invited for lunch and she would have been the fourth. She moved to far to come for lunch. Funny how you don't really value someone until they leave. Made rhubarb custard pie and it is gone, actually it was gone yesterday. I would make more pie but I'm so fat and I can't leave it alone.

Just saw the latest Paul Rudd video on the Huffington Post. Called "Right is Left." Good! It is interesting that Bush never angers me the way Condeleeza Rice does. It must be that he looks like an idiot but she doesn't and with all her education she still stands up there and lies and tries to convince us that what they are doing is alright. She must think the American People are dumber than Bush. Well if he's her guage then I get it.

My yoga teacher gave me an affirmation for my sore knees today. The action was to forgive others and not to judge. I will forgive her. Can't do the other.

My granddaughter Many Hats read the first reading at church this morning. She did a good job. She is growing up, when she walked down the side aisle with a grown woman they were the same height. The woman wasn't tall, average.

Tomorrow might be zoo day for me and Curly.

Winter flowers

My azelea that blooms indoors in December or January.

Blah blah

Did you know that Jenna Bush could have had a more open wedding but the President was afraid of security with the war and all. Who started the Iraq War? Poor guy bit himself in the ass again while totally screwing the rest of us.

This will be a ramble through the woods of my mind. This morning I visited my physical therapist and was given a series of wierd activities followed by an ultrasound on my knee and ice packs which are reeeally cold. Think I will bring a blanket next time. The sessions only cost the insurance 152.00 a visit, that is over 300.00 a wk. When the insurance runs out I get to pay. I will be healed by then, I'm sure.

Today I plan to finish the mopboard so we can move in the furniture tomorrow. It will be so nice, then I can clean the porch. Oh my God! the sun just came out. What a lovely sight!

Yes, Shiyh, I was talking about you in the last post. As if you didn't know. I am really sorry for all the people who lost loved ones in the China Earthquake. Those poor parents who lost there only child, which will be many, since one is all you get in China.

How strange not to have a sibling, I had 6. This is always a frustration for my husband. He doesn't like to argue and I think it is part of a conversation. It always was when I was growing up. With 6 sibs you never get total agreement, not to mention my father who loved to get me going.

I'm off to clean whatever's dirty. Have a major glorius day!!

Squash and floors

I'm back. I have spent the last couple of days on my floor. I'm not sick I was refinishing it along with my nephew's help. He did the hard part, sanding, and I did part of the edging and polyurethaning. It is done, hooray!! All I need to do is wax it. It looks great. That means the furniture can move back in tomorrow and I can have the front porch back.

Today was the first visit to the physical therapist. I enjoyed it and have hope that my knee will improve. My knee has bothered me since January. The other knee is having problems too, but not as bad. I have to go two times a week and work out at home in between. Also need to ice it down several times a day. It is good to know what to do.

Many Hats came for supper after her guitar lesson. She only got apple sauce and squash because the pork roast wasn't done. I started the roast before I left to take Many to her lesson but when I got back the oven was off. There was a timer set that shut it off. So dinner was late. She borrowed a Willie Nelson CD, she wanted to hear "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain". She can play it.

My friend in China reports that she is in Singapore and wasn't affected by the quake. I am glad to hear this. I would miss hearing her comments.

Primary Day

Well myself and Big Guy went to the polls today. It was crowded at 8:30 but probably at other times. Sometimes I wonder if it matters who you vote for. The big power that runs things seems to be able to get what they want regardless.

Today was a lovely day, warm, sunny and just the right breeze. I got a lot done, including buying 200 lb of dogfood. Big Guy looked dizzy when I told him but PetCo has a deal if you buy 200 lb they give you 10% off which equal a free bag of dogfood. We will use it. I also made the best potato pancakes ever for supper. Now I'm beat.

Well tomorrow we'll hear who got Indiana and who got N.C. I almost don't know which one I want. They are so alike, saying what they think we want to hear. One is young and green and the other is experienced and tough. Both of them are politicians. I had a relative who was asked to run for a political seat once and his dad told him that he wouldn't be able to stay an honest man so he declined. I don't know if that's true but I can see how hard it would be to maintain your values with people trying to compromise them all the time. I thought about getting involved until I thought about all the meetings I would need to attend, I hate meetings that last any longer than a half hour. Just talking to people all the time would wear me out.

Gray Sky

GRAY SKY (8-9-95)

A lone bird breaks the monotony
Soaring high, wings outstretched
Appearing black against the white gray.
Rain water clings to the porch rails
Drips from the leaves in crystal pearls
Slowly forming -- falling intermittently.
A breeze carries the cool moist air
Softly caressing my body
A dog sleeps nearby
After giving up gnawing the fleas.
The dark gray horizon is misty
More rain?
Overhead five birds
Fly across a patch of blue.

stormy day

Rain, thunder and lightening. Lazy day but I worked hard. I am sitting now because my feet hurt. I was all settled into my pc when Charley, the black puppy walked in from the porch with a full vacuum bag in his mouth. I removed it, when he was outdoors, and forgot to get rid of it. He had two bites of dust and hair before I stopped him. I put him out along with the other 3 and fed them. Then I had to vacuum the mess and finish my soup which smells super. So my feet hurt.

I bought a new toy, an ipod speaker station or whatever they're called. I love it but will probably need to download more stuff because this will get old, same old songs. Just bought the new Carly Simon album from itunes today. It is nice. Mama dog, Hilda, has been in all day, not only is she in heat but she is afraid of storms. She is funny, I tell her to go upstairs where she can get out and she goes half-way up the stairs and comes down slinking into the corner. Someone told me when german shepherds get older they act like a teenager. Up till then they did what you said but now they think they are smarter than you sometimes.

Well once again, other than Ravi, I feel like I am writing to no one. If you are out there let me know. I know I haven't been consistent lately but will try to change that.

HIDDEN GEM(6-28-98)

I wanted to look good
To show that I could speak to him
With diplomacy and just this once
Avoid a fight.
Or as it happened, looking bad
I gave in and admitted my mistake
Agreed that I wasn’t as good,
That he knew more.
What is it that keeps me
Locked in this pattern?
Always feeling he knows more
Or that I know less and am less.
Each time I think I have it in control
I sabotage myself, I disrespect me
My power, intellect and strength
I shoot myself, no one else does
What can I do to realize
What a gem I really am?

Sweet Rose

Spring Hyacinth

SPRING

Green grass, green leaves. Blue sky and red, yellow, pink and violet flowers. It is here. I am sure. We got spring. Forget about last night's 30 degrees, it is spring. I know it in my bones and the puppies do to. They are jumping and running with new energy because they know.

It has been such a long time coming. Such a long dreary dark winter but here it is in all its beauty. How soon we forget the cold and slush. Soon it will be too hot and we will forget spring. Did you ever notice how each year you think spring is different, there are brighter flowers than last year or the grass is greener. If I didn't journal I would think that it is different but really it is just my perception that is.

I love the way spring gives me new energy. I sit around in the cold months and when spring comes I push myself outside and suddenly I have all this work to do and somewhere I find the push to do it. Once I start I begin to gain momentum. Now I get several things done and don't have to drag myself around to do it like I did when I first started. Maybe that is why it is called spring because you bounce around better.

Well enough of my tortured logic. Enjoy this season!

My sister Alice died yesterday afternoon. She was 59. Funny memories I have of her. When we were young all three of us girls slept in the same room. Alice was always cold and she used to sleep in a handmedown muskrat coat that my aunt gave her. She looked like a little bear in the morning. She drank chocolate milk for breakfast and sat on the davenport (couch) rocking herself back and forth sloshing the chocolate milk in her stomach. I was the oldest so I defended her when the other kids ganged up on her. "Leave poor little Alice alone." Well now she is free and will be in a much warmer and safer place. I will mourn her but she is at peace.

Sister

Well I am beginning to see light at the end of the puppies. We have two more females to sell. I hope we find homes for them soon. They are so cute but they get larger and there wouldn't be enough room for them.

Spring is trying to peek through. As the mud dries I see lots of work to do in the yard. It won't be long before there is gardening again. Next Sunday is Easter and it seems like it got here so fast. I was planning to visit a friend in Conneticutt in April but she moved to Florida. Shouldn't have told her I was coming. I am actually glad I can stay here and get my garden started.

My sister in Houston is very sick. I am not sure she will survive. Her husband is having a very hard time with the idea of losing her. Please say a prayer for him. I don't want to lose her either but she has been ill a long time and is paralyzed. For her it might be better. I don't understand why some must suffer so much.

Anniversary

There is a white puppy snuggled into my left side as I write this. Now and then she grunts and pushes herself into me. She feels so warm. As she dreams she jerks and flinches. I wonder how she can dream when she hasn't done much but sleep and eat. Puppies are almost 3 weeks, I will have to start thinking about advertising them soon. That is the saddest part of puppies, saying goodbye. We are keeping a white one probably this one and I want to keep a dark one too but I don't know.

Yesterday Curly and Many Hats were here. Curly held the puppies and really enjoyed them. Of course Many Hats did too. Curly needs watching but she did ok. Many Hats made potato soup for supper which was appreciated since I wasn't feeling great. This sinus thing is wearing on me. I think today will be a lazy one.

I just realized today is my wedding anniversary, 6 years. I must remind Big Guy. Maybe I will wait awhile to see if he remembers. For now I will listen to the latin music playing in the other room and feel my puppy nestling against me.

Hello again

It has been awhile since I blogged. I was a midwife to my white shephard as you can see by the pups, then I got the flu and then I got a sinus infection. Now I'm recovering. I missed yoga today because for some reason, probably this wierd flu but my left knee hurts. Last week it was the right one.

Puppies are getting cuter, they are in the teddy bear stage. They have their eyes open and everytime they eat their little tummies fill out to look like a teddy. The ears are like flaps and have become bigger, more like a bears. I would like to cover myself with puppies but they aren't housebroke yet.

We are making progress on the office. All the walls and the ceiling are free of old plaster and dry wall. One wall is drywalled and I am waiting on Big Guy to wire it so I can insullate a wall. The NMD can finish drywalling and mudding. I am thinking of what desk to use in there. I want more space so I am losing a desk and replacing it with a tall cabinet. The bath upstairs really looks good. When I feel better I want to paint the ceiling and a small part of the wall.

Funny how I have more time but I am always busy. I don't see how I will get bored there are so many things I want to do. Hope everyone out there is having a good day.

3 white + 6 black and tan=9

Hilda and Puppies

Bernie

Wednesday Morning

Puppies cry and call for a nipple as I sit in my wicker rocker, toes thawing at the space heater. Save for the pups it is a quiet morning. The sky shows lavender and pink of a sunrise. I have missed those, waking to darkness followed by clouds. Bernie's nails click as he paces the kitchen. He downed the left over stew and is going to the living room to chew his rawhide.

It is so warm and comfortable here I don't want to move but the quiilt awaits. Curly's birthday is friday and I want to be finished by then.

Bernie clicks back into the kitchen peering at me through his overgrown bangs. I am too preoccupied with this, so he wanders back to big easy chair, curling up into a blonde hairy ball. The pups are silent all having found a teat. I can see Hilda sitting up so they have better access, looking entranced by the sensation of nine little mouths sucking.

Busy Hilda

Yesterday was different. In the morning Hilda(white shephard)went out and appeared to be trying to do #2. Nothing happened, her puppies were due the 17 so I wasn't too interested but when she didn't come back in after awhile I went to look for her. She was in her house with a bleating noise. She came when I called and then I saw a small white puppy screaming in the doghouse. I retrieved it and brought it inside with Hilda trying to get it from me. After some changes my husband set up a box in the living room. In the meantime Hilda had 2 puppies on his favorite chair, fortunately it was covered. She later settled into the box. Today, 9 puppies later she is trying to move them to my favorite chair. We have had several discussions, some rather loud, about this but she keeps trying. They are all strong and healthy and vocal. Some even have a very little bark.

More updates to follow and some pictures.

The house that Stan built.

This is the place we keep banging and clanging on. Someday Alice, but for now more banging.

Hillary

It is a lovely day here in Northeastern Indiana. I have most of my east dining room wall torn out. Then there is the insullation which is now a whopping 32+ a roll. These floods and hurricanes need to stop.

How about that New Hampshire primary. There is hope for this country yet. A woman could get this place on the map yet. I like the way she housecleans, she wants to take out the two oilmen first thing. Okay I am not sure I will vote for her but I admire her spirit and her stupidity. You got to be stupid to run for president. All those meetings and speeches and people you don't know shaking your hand. Either that or you really want to change things. Hope it is the latter in H.C.'s case. We need to get this country away from the cowboys and the oilmen or maybe I'm being redundant.

It feels like nearly every muscle I have is in tension. Maybe a hot shower would help.

Shiyh I am thinking of you.

Gabby Violet

We are blessed or cursed with one of the noisiest cats I have ever met. She was described as vocal by the woman who sold her to me. Vocal she is. Last night it was very warm here, in the 50's and Violet wanted to go out. Normally we try to keep her in at night but she slipped past as we were going out. Big Guy tried to grab her on his way back in but she eluded him. At about 1:00 a.m. I heard her scratching at the deck door in our room. I asked Big Guy to let her in but he mumbled that she could stay out she wanted out so bad. I let it go and went back to sleep only to be awakened by bumps and scratches on the door that were enough to waken me but not enough to make me move until about 2:30 when I let her in. Of course she had to scold me with several loud meows and a tromp or two across the bed before she went off to her pillow in the closet.

Violet

Our noisy cat.

Grandma, Aunt C, me and sister.

When Aunt C was young and so were we. Taken at Grandma's house where Uncle P lives now. Weren't we cute?

Losing Aunt C.

Well the office is still intact. Big Guy is more interested in completing the upstairs bath. I can't argue with that but I could be tearing this office up if the computers were moved. Well things always work out in their own time. He is doing a good job on the bathroom.

I am getting accustomed to staying home, well that isn't true entirely. It seems there are many reasons for me to get out of the house but with winter you tend to feel snowbound. Snow has disappeared this weekend and this morning it was 59 degrees when I got up. Now that is more like it. It won't last but I will enjoy while it is here.

When I first began this retirement thing I was afraid. Anything new tends to strike fear in me. Would I have enough money, would I get bored, would I be sorry I left my job? Well pish and tosh. I don't have enough money but when does anyone? At least among the working class. I like being bored from time to time and there is always somewhere to run off to and something to do. Today I must run by work to pick up a few things and I am sure I will remember why I am not sorry I left my job.

While I am retired I think I will devise a way for people to be employed without feeling they are being run around by the nose. Wouldn't that make sense? To share in the profits of a business when it did well and to scrimp along when things were bad, in other words to have an ownership of the place. I know some places claim to do this but I wonder if they really do. Well that can wait for another day.

As I age I have more reasons for grief, loved ones dying, losing people I worked with at least no longer seeing them daily. The sagging and wrinkling my body does that even a diet wouldn't change. (No wonder old people let theirselves get lumpy.) My aunt, who was more like my mom than mom is slowly dying. She is almost 95. Her body has withered to a scarecrow and her strength is waning with each day. Each time I see her I wonder why, why does she have to stay here? Why can't she go to the other place and have all the things that are missing here, like peace and contentment and faith unflinching. She has plenty of love, we all do love her. But with her dementia she has become more a child and not the woman who cared and listened. How I miss that woman. She never gave much advice except to point out what was right and what wasn't. I could sit and complain or worry with her and she listened and I saw an answer. You got to miss someone like that.

Now she just lies there waiting and sleeping. Sometimes she yells at the person changing her clothes for the liberties they are taking and she even tries to clobber them for their total lack of decency. Now the words are hard to get because she doesn't wear teeth much and she is weak. I keep asking God why must she go on and on. The only answer I have is to watch and see what there is to learn from her.

There have been lessons. Like the day I was walking her in her chair and thought how this poor woman still drew me to her even though she had long stopped making sense. How her wrinkled appearance repelled my youngest granddaughter. And yet I seldom saw it except with photos. To me she was that loving 50 year old aunt who helped me when I asked. How could I not love her. And I realized what love is. Only seeing a person's soul, not their body. I don't visit her out of duty but out of love and the need to grieve my loss of her. I pray that she may soon see the Jesus she has always loved.

Hope I haven't become too morose but this has helped me. Thanks for reading.