Those are sticks, silly.

Goodbye '06

Tomorrow is the last day of this year. How fast the days fly by. It seems we just started and now we are at the end. It has been a good year, no major crises. Life has been reasonable of late. I spent yesterday with two of my grandgirls. The newest and and the middle one of many hats. We had a good day. The little one had a stick she found in the yard from our oak trees. She uses it to play music. She puts it in her mouth and hums little made up tunes. She took it in the dentist office and when grandma called it a flute she was told it is a horn. Yesterday she went into the yard and came in with several sticks. Her sister asked were they horns and she said, "no, silly these are sticks. Her sister persisted undaunted and asked if she was going to play the big one and she said "no it is too loud". She is almost 3 what imaginations we have.

As I watch these two young ones I think about being that old once and all the time between then and now. They have so much ahead and I so much behind. But life goes on and tomorrow is this year's end. What will '07 bring. More reasonableness I trust.

Enough Already

This morning I was listening to the Diane Ream show on NPR and someone called in and said that the President was Commander in name only and that over 50% of Americans were against the war in Iraq. So why the hell don't we do something. Why do we sit and moan let's start shouting. Let's end the killing and maiming and weeping and mourning. Enough already. If you want the war to stop do something, write your congressman or demonstrate. It is costing billions of dollars of your tax money and we are becoming indebted to other nations. They want to send more troops for their surge. All they are doing is sending more targets. Enough already.

Warm December

It is sunny and pleasant here in Indiana. Tomorrow they are forecasting 50 degrees. If anyone is reading my blog I would really like hearing from you. Last weekend I finished painting the walls in the dining room, a light sky blue. It looks really good with the wood around the windows and the green plants. I am looking forward to the mopboard being installed so I can move back the furniture. All these things take time.

Last night I went to meditation. It was good and I was able to get into it better than prior. It felt like I was almost free of my body. Usually I am so uncomfortable that I can't reach that feeling but last night was different. Instead of concentrating on the breath we could choose to concentrate on whatever we were feeling. I chose the stiffness in my shoulders and was amazed to feel the tightness dissolve. Also the pain in my bottom disappeared once I focused on it. This morning in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, it said that the practice can lead to calmness. Not just while sitting but later in your daily routine. That is true.

We did a short meditation which focused on others. We asked that the pain of others be lifted by lifting their anger, bitterness and delusion. It felt really good to be able to give this thought to others. Sometimes that is all we can give but it can change something. How we feel about others can change our attitude and our approach.

Culture

This morning I had the pleasure of attending a talk on diversity and culture. I use the word pleasure loosely. It was a mandatory pleasure ordered by those in command and I had no choice in the matter. I have come to the conclusion following this illuminating workshop that culture is not putting your little finger out when you drink tea. Yet in a way it is. Culture is what happens to you when you are born into a particular family, in a particular country and you are of a particular race and gender. More or less.

Enough of that. I am looking forward to the weekend. It is late Friday afternoon and I will be getting the weekend started at about 5:30 p.m. That is if all the parents get their kids on time. I think I'll kidnap my two younger grand girls for an overnight on Saturday. The youngest wants to come to my house. She is so earnest in her request that I have to agree.

We survived the snoopy auditors this week. They have returned to wherever snoopy auditors hang out and left us to refile our folders and sigh in relief. But it won't last long next week is our winter fest. That will be less stressful and more fun but time consuming nevertheless.

I have one more gift and I will be finished with Christmas Shopping. Every year I say I am going to start giving donations to charity instead of gifts because others need it more than my family and every year I buy my family gifts. It just seems silly to find people things they already have or don't want when there are people who have nothing and really need it. Oh well 'tis the season.

Changes

Today is the auction. My 93 year old aunt who is now quite forgetful and more childish every day owns 40 acres of prime farm land. Her POA’s will be selling the farm to help pay for her in home care.

My aunt worked all her life until she retired at age 55. She has lived comfortably on her pension since then even including some European trips. When she was 17-18 her father died leaving her mother with 4 younger children. My dad and aunt were required to take on responsibility for the others. Dad held down the farm while my aunt worked in town for the biggest landowners there. Later she moved to a better job in a larger city and eventually moved there. She lived alone and never married. She was always free to do as she chose until she began to lose her mind, as she puts it. Now her solitude is gone. There is always someone there but that is necessary. My aunt often becomes bewildered and lost trying to understand what is going on. She seems to have many webs and veils inside her mind hiding reality.

The farm is the last tie to her early life and it will be sold today at 6 o’clock. She won’t know the tie is cut because she won’t be told. She wouldn’t remember and it would only raise her anxiety level.

Instead I will go to the auction and keep it a secret from her. It has helped to write this because I am sad that this has to be and I needed to let it go.

Sunday Morning

It is calm before the storm right now. Two grandgirls spent the night and are still asleep. The youngest who is a small hurricane has been sleeping in and so the calm. How does one little girl have so much energy and one grandma have so little? I think the bigger we grow the energy must spread over more area and thus lose some power. How's that for a scientific explanation?

Lately I have been working too much and enjoying life too little. There has been one bright spot, my meditation class. I am learning more of the Buddhist approach and find it fascinating. It is probably too simple to be fascinating and as I progress I will use a different adjective but for now I'm sticking to fascinating. The way I get it the goal is there is no goal. One simply becomes still and allows the thoughts in one's mind to slow down and quiet like the waves on a lake. Sounds easy huh? Try it sometime. My thoughts want to ripple back in and stir up the water but when that happens I can notice the thought is there and without judgement or criticism, it will float away like the clouds above the lake. Or at least that's the plan. Practice is the key and finding time to practice is the challenge. But as I read in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, practice can happen when I choose and it doesn't have to be a rigid daily thing. Only when I choose.

Well it is time to wake the hurricane, Namaste.

After Yoga Class

I am sitting here trying to think, Yoga always leaves me so relaxed and at rest. I can sit and do nothing very well after class. My teacher is very seasoned and very good. When she ends class it is a welcome relief kinda like when you stop banging your head against the wall, it feels so good. I needed class lately, we have been so busy at work and stressed. Why is it that there are always deadlines to meet? They never move the deadline they just increase the things we have to do to meet it. If by chance I get it done then there are all these changes that have to be added...etc. etc. etc. Just writing about it leaves me stressed and I was so relaxed. There is nothing I can do but forget about work and enjoy the tired peacefullness I feel. This moment is here and it is everything. Namaste.

On Aging

" It took a long time to get here but I'm right on time." Don't know the author or if that is exactly what he(she) said but I sure can identify with it. During Curves this week the owner had a book with photos of events that occurred in our fair city. She was distracting us from the routine with a little game where we could identify the picture and win nothing but the satifaction of getting the answer right. The pictures dated from 1985 back to 1944 and I realized I was on this earth for every one of them. Don't think anyone in the room at that time could share that distinction. Not too sure I want that distinction but considering the alternative I guess it's ok to be the oldest person in my morning Curves work out. There are people there from time to time who look my age or more but not last Friday. Needless to say I got several guesses right.

Hilda's a Drama Mama

Well those puppies we thought were coming aren't. Hilda went to the vet Monday and he thought she might have had a false pregnancy. She was running a fever so he gave her some antibiotics. He thought she might have an infection but could find no puppies. Hilda has been having a discharge since Thursday so we thought something was going to happen since Friday was day 63. She is acting like one of the actresses on my soaps. Pretending to be expecting. We are disappointed but happy that she will be alright.

I can't find mom.

My 93 year old aunt who hates doctors had to go to the hospital this week. She was having chest pains and a low pulse rate. Not only does she hate doctors she has dementia and remembers very selectively. Lately she has forgotten that her mother and father are dead and keeps asking where they are. Well I shouldn't say lately, this has been happening for years but not as frequently per visit. It might have happened 3 times during my visits, now it is over and over. It was worse while she was in the hospital. She is like a small child who wants her mommy and daddy. I tell her they are dead and she seems to believe me then in a minute she wonders where they are again. The doctor sent her home with prescriptions that she will fight against taking. I pity her caregivers. But I'm not arguing with her, she made it to 93. The doctor said her heart rate is slowing down and for someone more sane he might have tried a pacemaker but given her circumstances he opted for some pills and time. I really hope she can see her mom and dad soon. She is so alone and tired. I will really miss her. But then I have been missing her since the dementia set in.

When Hilda was a puppy 3 years ago.

Time

Another summer is coming to an end. The kids are back in school. My grass needs rain and the flowers need watering. The tomatoes are red and sweet. Hilda is pregnant or she is doing a great impression. Lately she has been very needy. She wants to be petted and her ears scratched. She is still romping and barking for her rawhides. This will probably change when the pups get here. She will be busy feeding and cleaning them. It makes a dog mature to have puppies. We will miss our puppy Hilda but she will give us a replacement. Time has a way of growing things, flowers, tomatoes, puppies and children. How precious time is.

Dog Days

I think I know what they mean when they say dog days. It is when all you want to do is lay around and sleep like your dog does. I have been living in dog days for a few days now. Last evening I attended meditation class again and sleepiness was one of the topics. It seems that sleepiness is often used as an aversion. If you don't want to face something or if you are angry and don't want to admit it. That kind of thing. It can also be that you are out of balance or most obvious of all you plain ain't getting enough sleep. I think I am out of balance. With the heat I was sitting and reading a lot. Not active enough. Last night I went for a bike ride, it was pleasant with the breeze and the drop in humidity. There could be a little aversion going on. I have been trying to decide when and if, to retire completely. The choice is between not working and being poor and working part time and being poor. Tough choice. No wonder I'm sleepy!

Summertime

...and it's hot in Indiana. Humid and hot. We got the jump on it yesterday, shut the house up and turned on the air upstairs. It helped cool the whole house. Haven't had much energy with this heat. It is supposed to break about Thursday. My cat Violet has been coughing so I'm taking her to the vet after work. She won't like it but it has to be done. I have been asking Hilda if there are any puppies in there but she won't tell. We will know more the end of next month. Wow! tomorrow is next month. Summer sure flies by fast. We are almost fully enrolled for the preschool program. Soon we will be getting to know new families. Keeps the job interesting. That great guy Stan finally opened a Flickr account. You can see his pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/84739639@N00/ check it out.

Hilda's Wild Weekend

Well Hilda and Polar Bear had another date last Friday and they spent the weekend together. We picked her up Sunday afternoon and Polar's owner said the deed was done. That means if everything worked we will have puppies mid-September. Hilda is still chasing Bernie around the yard, once she gets started she's hard to stop.

Hilda is the White German Shepherd

Hilda is seen here with Gus who is near her age. Yesterday Hilda went on her first blind date. We arranged for her to meet Polar Bear, a 5-6 yr old shepherd. She appears to be going into heat again and since Woka is gone we are trying to get a litter of Hilda's puppies. We want to keep one. Hilda seemed to enjoy the outing. Polar Bear's people were pleased that he was polite and not trying to rip her head off. He has some social issues. But Hilda was extremely hot and he couldn't resist.

When Hilda is ready to settle down to business we will take her back to Polar Bear. For now she will remain with Bernie who can let us know how close she is. When and if there are puppies you can see them here.

Bang Bang Bang

Indiana has recently permitted fireworks that were formerly thought too dangerous to be bought by the general public. Funny when the right lobby gets their way what can happen. Personally I don't care if you want to take your hard earned money and blow your right arm off with it, more power to you. But do you have to do it until midnight in constant succession while I am trying to get some rest and my husband has to get up at 5:00 am. Everytime it became quiet it would begin again, bang, bang, bang. Did I mention that we live near a park. Someone decided to rent it and everyone who came had their own fireworks. They took turns setting them off.

My poor dog Bernie (mutt) cowered under the upstairs gazebo and Hilda (white German Shepherd) climbed to the top of the gate, tearing off a dew claw in the process. Stan had to leash her to the doorknob inside the bedroom. (She's started another heat and is messy.) For four days my poor dogs have been shivering while the bang bangs go off. Why the hell can't they all just go to the park and watch? Or take all their money and burn it in the backyard.

My friend Latin Rapunzel and daughter Dark Eyes came for dinner. Both my sons and families made it. My oldest grandgirl Cocky was otherwise engaged. When you are 13 you are often otherwise engaged. We had too much food and a lot of good conversation. Dark Eyes is getting hooked on my marble game. Stan framed the new window for the dining area. It is ready for the hole to be cut, I think, but then what the hell do I know. Thank you Ayreswoman for cooking the meat. The dessert was over the top big G and small S. Good brats Mark.

Today I am lunching with an old friend of many years, too many to count. We are going in her kickass Chevy Truck that is a convertible. Watch out the crazies will be loose.

What is so rare....

These last days of June are perfect here in the Midwest. The breeze is cool but not too, the sun is bright but not blazing and life is good. Well except that I am staining the house that grew up. There is nothing like covering a house with stain and a roller to make you realize how much it grew. My original plan has been resized. I was planning on an overall stain but am beginning to think there are many areas that still look fine from the last staining. When a house grows in stages there are older and newer sections. I'm thinking the older stages can come first and the newer ones might wait a year or two. The fun part will be the pigbarn or loony bin. The tip top. That great guy Stan is still working while I'm vacationing??? He is getting the heeby jeebies thinking about me hanging out the windows of the pigbarn which is my solution to reaching the top. My butt, being very heavy, I will sit on that while hanging out and I'm sure that I will be sufficiently anchored. I guess he wants to be here in case I fall so he can watch.

Something good happened last night. I remembered a dream. I don't very often. It was about work. We were having an assembly where someone gets up and tells us how much we are doing and how much better we could do it. Before anyone could speak, I noticed two janitors, three actually, but I can't name the last one. O'Dell and Booker are the two I can name. They all looked overworked and sore. I immediately dashed onto the stage ahead of the speaker and asked if they would like to see some Yoga stretches. O'Dell (steady, loyal and ornery) nodded and Booker (serious schemer) just watched. Think the third guy watched also. I did a cobra, pose of the child combination. If you aren't familiar, the cobra consists of raising up on your arms while lying face down so that your back stretches at the waist. The pose of a child begins on all fours, then you push back with your hands; butt rises and face touches the floor, relaxing pose. Anyway my back bend was very deep and the feeling was exquisite. I remember O'Dell joining me and Booker hesitating.

Recently I took a cd from the library by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, she explained the basics for interpreting dreams. I was able to conclude that I was feeling trapped at work with other trappees. I stold the spotlight and showed a way to heal and find freedom in the positions. That's it in the concise form. It gave me a valuable insight. I recommend the cd but don't recall the name. Anyone out there who does know more about dreams I would like to hear from you.

Isn't Curly glowing?

Bitter and the Sweet

We lost our oldest dog Woka, she was Bernie's mom, and she always kept his ears clean. We put her down because she was ill and it was the day before we left for vacation.

The trip was good, great guy saw someone he hasn't seen in years and met some wonderful new people. I got to spend more time with Curly and Many Hats and their mom. Cocky stayed home with her dad. Curly introduced me to "iddy biddy birds" which is what she was calling horseflies. I love her logic. Stan and I now have a new name for flies. I had a bad cold the whole time but Stan climbed the dunes and had a lot of fun with our guests.

On the last day we learned that someone Stan cared about had died. He was saddened by the news. We stopped at his son's in another town on our way home. His new daughter is precious.

We got home safe and sound. The next day I rescued Cocky from her experiment in hair color. She was red and she only wanted a highlight. She is still red but has more highlights and looks cool. Today I got to see two good friends, Latin Rapunzel and Alabama Annie. Life is sweet.

5 more days.....

...until the big vacation at Lake Michigan. We are all anticipating a great time and a wonderful get together with relatives, some mine and some great guy's. Some we saw yesterday and some not for a while. My 3 grandgirls will be there, Many Hats, Curly(#3) and Cocky(#1). Cocky is 13 and definitely her nickname, (quiet, confident with a sharp, quick wit).

I had lunch with Curly and Many Hats on saturday. We ate at Triangle Park which has a pond on the property stocked with catfish(humungus!), geese and a swan and swanlette. Curly was very happy because she likes to feed "duckies" and they are her favorite bird. Many Hats was enamoured with the baby swan and quite vexed that the catfish were getting the baby swan's food first. The waitress gave us a lot of stale bread and we were the first feeders that day so we had a good reception. Curly really liked it. Oh yeah our lunch was delish too.

By the way, Latin Rapunzel, Many Hats wants to see you. It may be a week before there is more from here but there will be much to report about our big camping trip.

The spirit meditates

This week I attempted to escape my farmer work or your worth nothing background. It isn't easy. I attended a meditation class. The class was 90 minutes long. We were encouraged to choose a chair or cushions on the floor. I being a smart yogi showoff brought my own pillows and sat lotus fashion on them. After about 50 minutes of the pillows and constantly shifting position my butt was screeching, "enough already. " I decided to continue sitting and told my butt to relax which it wasn't doing very well. It seemed it like screeching better. After 60 minutes it was saying, "Let's get out of here." Since I couldn't find a way to leave with out disturbing the other participants, who were sitting quietly, I remained seated. Though I did try to think of some way to leave inobtrusively and the only thing I could think of that would work was to disappear in thin air and so far I haven't mastered that trick. My butt was not relaxing so I told it that it could choose between the pillows or the chair. The last ten minutes were the fastest and that chair was the most comfortable I've been in for quite a while. Actually the whole 90 min. went quickly except for the screeching.

The next day I had an awareness about the prior evening. I wasn't good at being in the moment. I can be there when I think about it for about 30 seconds then I have to think about it again because I forget where I am. There was nothing to do but be in the moment on the pillows with my bottom in pain. I could have left or moved to the chair but still I was there in that room and in the stillness. The leader was directing me to focus on my breath and to find the source of my breath. Two simple assignments that are often very difficult to maintain. The source of my breath and my breath are not the most fascinating things to focus on however I am very grateful for both. I am also more aware of the things in life that are going on, like the cotton clouds and the many shades of green in the leaves. Each day has so much to offer if I will only look. The way my white shephard cocks her head and watches me when I say her name. The way my cat shuts up her nagging meow when I stroke her back. Things that could be considered mundane can be of interest if given attention. It is good to be aware.

Moist morning

Walking to Curves this morning I noticed the rain has stopped. We had a heavy drumming rain from about 2 a.m. until 5:00 +. At least the times I woke up it was raining. It was so relaxing and steady that I didn't wake up for the first two gongs from my tibetan alarm clock, but my back up alarm (great guy Stan) said, "Hey that's the second ding, wake up." Anyway back to walking downtown this morning. All the sidewalks were dark from the water, the bricks were a different color and the plants were drooping from the raindrops. Flowers observing the earth below unable to raise their heads because of water weight. The landscape seemed painted with a new brush. Quiet reigned over what would later become noisy engines, brakes and squeaks. How infrequently we find peace. How luxurious when we do.

Past and the Present all headed into the future.

Is anybody out there?

I haven't heard back from anyone lately and I was wondering if anyone was reading my blog. If you are please comment it could just be a yeah or a mmmn. Just so I know I'm not living in a vacuum.

Good weekend, survived the socializing rather well. Told the great guy Stan that we wouldn't have anyone over for a while since I started tearing the wall out of the dining room. But now I'm reconsidering, if no one sees the mess how are they going to appreciate the remodel. Anyway I am tearing out the dining room walls, love to tear down since I get so frustrated trying to build anything. I nearly had a stroke trying to remove a shelf brace with the power driver yesterday. It kept slipping off the screw head until I finally tore the wall out around it and hammered it off. That's another nice thing about destruction over construction.

Glad to have spent time with Latin Rapunzel and Mama Gorda this holiday. They are equally crazy in their own way. Hope Mama finds some answers and relaxes. Latin will always view life from the level of the princess. She still waits for the car door to be opened by her boyfriend. Can you believe it?? We (Latin, her guy and my great guy and me) all toured the antique store (huge). The town has many Amish near by so it isn't unusual to see them with their horse and buggy on main street, you also have to watch where you walk,(horse poo poo). The store has antique furniture arrranged in rooms, dining room with old china on the table, bedrooms, living rooms etc. So you can stand in the bedroom and look at the horse passing outside. It puts you back a century. Driving home we went past their homes, it seemed pristine not having electric wires and poles cluttering the landscape. The only obstruction were fences. It seemed like another world.

But it's Tuesday now and I can't find my favorite earring because my granddaughter(many hats) spent the night. I miss an earring almost every time she comes. Of course she was never upstairs and has no idea where it could be. Tonite I will super clean the bedroom, Stan found one on the floor so maybe....

Remember, I need to know there is someone out there.

Spirit of a Butterfly

My friend Evonne said I wasn't writing in my blog of late. She has a point. I just haven't been motivated but today I have some interest, so here goes. My sister just emailed that her husband was in the hospital, the guy with the broken leg. Seems he has an infection. They are trying to get it under control. Hope he is ok, he didn't have a broken leg when he went in the last time. He has been there most of the week. There is no word on when he will be released. Sometimes it makes me angry that two such good people have so much to endure (my sister and her husband) but maybe I'll be burning a long time in hell while they are floating around in heaven.

Just talked with my eldest. He said his youngest (two year old Stephanie) was pouring dog food from one dog dish to another then using a little broom to stir it. He said she has given up eating it. That is encouraging. When I was there Saturday he asked her if she wanted to clean her room. She looked up with her earnest blue eyes and said "No thank you, daddy." Got to love em.

Long weekend coming up. Plan to buy more annual flowers for the yard. Need red and yellow peppers for the garden. Basil and other herbs. I use basil around the front porch to keep away mosquitos. With the recent rains the ground should be soft.
Well as I said in the beginning I had some interest but I think it is running out. Have a good Memorial Day.

My favorite animal, not this one in particular but all cows. They are quiet and appear to be in or close to meditation most of the time. I think chewing their cud is their mantra. They aren't in a rush to get anywhere and they are very good at itching mosquito bites with their tongues. (Figure that one out.)

Spirit of a Butterfly

Beautiful Sunday here. My nose is healing nicely. Today I invited people to join us after church for brunch. There were only a few in attendance so it was an easy meal to fix. I wanted to show off the new kitchen and all the good work my great guy had done. Everyone had nice things to say and were impressed with the rest of the house also. The house that grew up has many interesting corners and nooks not to mention decks and views. That was without seeing the view from the loony bin(or pig barn). Later I hope to get my great guy to go with me to visit my sister and her husband. He recently broke his leg after a stay in the hospital for another problem. Since he has no feeling from the third vertebrae down he wasn't aware of his leg breaking at the hip. The orthopedic man who saw him said surgery was not recommended and that he would do better to heal on his own. Since there is no pain it wouldn't be a problem. He has been down for some time because of the original problem. Now he can be up 2 hours a day. He has more patience than I do. For all of you moaners and groaners out there, consider trading places with him. Anyway we are hoping to pick up a cane plant my sisterinlaw left for me. Also I want to see them. The priest today spoke of being invited into Christ's house and made to feel that it was ok to hang out for a while. That we could think of Jesus as our sibling (or brother). That we are loved in spite of what we do. Interesting, I think He would have to kick me out at closing time. Well the day continues.

Spirit of a Butterfly

Yesterday was different. I had surgery to remove a skin cancer on my nose. Following surgery we waited together for our biopsy reports. There were people there with bandages on thier nose, their ear, their eye. Some of them had to go back 2 and 3 times to have more cancer removed. Among those waiting was an old man who said he was born in 1926. His son was with him and he appeared to be in his 50's. His son had a sharp wit, and came up with comments that sent the group into laughter. The time went by quickly since we were able to entertain each other. Why cry when you can laugh. We learned later that the wise cracker was a Ronald McDonald for our area. He began joking about ordering a pizza and the doctor heard it. Doc came back and asked what kind of pizza we wanted because he was ordering for us. He said we had gone past time and he owed us something. When the pizza arrived someone commented that this was the first time he had pizza in a doctor's office. We all agreed. Fortunately I was free of more cancer cells and went home without further surgery. Looking back I can see how that time could have been tense and anxious. Instead it flew by and we had a good time.

Spirit of a Butterfly

No rain today. It has rained for a week. My husband told me he was impressed with Bush's speech last night. That is a landmark. It may be the first speech that impressed him. This immigration thing is so ridiculous. All these fat cats deciding how some poor (5.00 an hr.) Mexican should have stayed starving in Mexico until he could amass 2,000.00 + to buy papers to get into this country. Like that's going to happen. If things were so good where he was why did he risk everything to come here. They aren't criminals they are looking for the same thing most immigrants are looking for, a better life. Leave them alone. Theyare hardworking people. I see them everyday at my job. They care about their families. They are more interested in school activities than a lot of their American counterparts. Maybe if some of our senators and congressmen could get off their soapboxes and mingle they would get it.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Spirit of a Butterfly

She used to say
“I’m as changeable as the wind.”
Did she ride the air
In brightly colored wings?

Oh to do just that.

Yesterday I spent part of the day with my 93 year old aunt who has memory that roams. She thinks she has to care for her mom who died over 40 years ago but she can't remember she ordered a hamburger 3 minutes ago. I return her to her home and she says who lives here. It must be confusing to think like she does. She has her logic most of the time and knows what won't work. She doesn't have the right time zone. It is sad to watch when I remember the capable woman she was.

The house that grew up.

Our latest dog addition Hilda and her friend Gus. Hilda is the white shephard.

Spirit of a Butterfly

Spirit of a Butterfly

Where has she gone
Locked inside herself,
Was she ever really there
Or only the spirit of a butterfly?

Are we ever really there? Or are we just another's perception. When I look into to the mirror do I see the me you see? And who is the me I've locked inside.

Spirit of a Butterfly

Rain Tears
In the silence of early morning
Broken only by the steady drumming
Of rain on the roof
Puddles grow larger

In the soothing symphony
Of rain's monotonous regularity
Rain last night, today
It seems nature
Is having a good cry.

Not a tormented passionate cry
Of thunderstorm and wind
But the steady relieving
Of sadness long held

Freely tears come
Bringing release
Pain replaced by peace
Sleep comes with the sound of rain.

Sweet Rose

Spirit of a Butterfly

New kitchen

As a sociology major I have a big interest in people preferably the ones in groups. This blog thing is very big groups. Just got a reply from someone in Russia. This group could get huge.

On a smaller group level, I just entertained 4 of my coworkers in my new kitchen. We started demolition and construction on the kitchen in November of 05. I boxed up all the dishes and utensils except for a bare minimum. The cupboards came down as well as one wall. The new walls went up. If someone tells you they want you to move out while they gut your kitchen, listen to them. No one said that to me, so we just lived with it. It was a lot like camping without the fun. You had to dig for everything you needed or you just said f__ it and did without. After a month in the new kitchen I am still sitting down in it with awe. I have a new kitchen with a dishwasher. First one for this house. I know where everything is and it ain't in the bottom of a box. I am baking breads and pies and entertaining. It is superb. Hear that big guy? Big guy put it together for me and I helped. We are a good team.

Grandgirl#3, #2 is the kid with all the hats. #3 likes pumpkins.

Christmas Eve, me and grandgirl #1. Told you I was old.

The really great guy Stan and the girl of many hats' first communion.

The grandgirl of many hats and me.

Where do I begin?

Yesterday I said I didn't think I could have a blog. what was interesting about me, my life? Then I realized most blogs aren't that interesting and all they are is about people being real. I can do that, be real. Sometimes too real. So here goes. I'm old just cleared 63. I'm a farm native who escaped when I was young. I married twice and have two boys, 3 granddaughters, and 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter with my husband's kids. We live in a house that grew up. Sometime I'll put in a picture. we have 3 dogs and one cat. I love to garden and camp. We have a 72 LandYacht Airstream and use it when we have time. I also like to write poetry. My current husband is a great guy who loves to remodel. I think he does it for therapy. Right now I'm thinking I could erase all this and never write another thing on this blog and I would be safe. No one would know anything about me. But I never have been safe and I'll send this and rue the day later.

I work in the non profit sector helping low income families. I like the people I work with and I also am looking forward to retirement. I want to travel and write. There will be more to follow but right now I need to rest. Being old you know.